What do you do when you notice a close family member has the same characteristics as your abuser? I decided to love both from a distance as I’m currently unable to get rid of either one of the parties. However, just like AA recognizing the problem is the first step. I’ve recognized it and now I have to put a plan in place. A plan for negative things like this to not deter me or slow me down when pursuing my life goals. So often I hear folks say cut this one off, cut that one off. However, how are you growing when you eliminate people left and right.
A talk with a long-time friend really encouraged me that I’m learning how to deal with things I can’t control but also allowing them not to affect me is key. I started to speak my truth as we were getting off the phone and she could understand so clearly that a call back was rendered. We finished our conversation in depth and we both grew from it. I thanked her so much because I needed it as much as she did. How do you deal with relatives that have the same characteristics as abusers? You love them from a distance, you steer the conversation, and you limit their time and topics that you will address with them. There is no love lost as these people are our relatives and there was a day when we would stop the world for them. However, in the growth of wisdom, we start to see things through clear not tinted eyes. We start to assess and address things for what they are.
I’ve learned that I’m actually building strength in speaking to them. I’m learning how to deal with the next person I come in contact with that has these characteristics. I’m learning to recognize the patterns immediately and how to remove or distance them from me and my mental capacity. Life is not only about learning but it is also about expanding our mental capacity and learning how to deal with and address things as soon as they happen. How to stop negativity at the drop of a dime. How to not respond to the start of a conversation addressing something negative. Is this the kind of energy you want to have in your spirit for the day? Nope!
I’ve always been a go-to person that doesn’t go to anyone. I know there are people I can call but I believe my issues are my own burden to bare. Problems and issues are also a chance to address my choices and find where I made the choice that landed me in a hard spot. We have all the answers if we will be brutally honest with ourselves. I don’t even want to use the word brutal because it’s negative, let’s say truly honest to ourselves. Truly is the only thing you should want from others and you should give to others. However many find comfort in putting on a persona. The truth always comes to light there is not even any point in lying to yourself or others.
Over the last few years being truly honest with myself has given me so much wisdom. Stopping and asking myself why I deal with people, what is the comfort in a negative relationship, what is good, and what is bad. All questions that are very telling of our mindset.
Your mind is one of your most important assets and it is a terrible thing to waste. So take a moment to pause and ask yourself, what got me here and how can I change it?
Tune in to my podcast Resources in the Valley for more tidbits on getting out of the valley and climbing the mountain to success!