Tag Archives: Motivation

Finally, At Ease!

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I would be lying if I said that my mind is at ease right now. I’ve started a slight tailspin of being overwhelmed. It’s been like this for months now. Always around the beginning of the month. Inadequacy tries to creep in slowly but surely. 

As I fight these feelings away, first I work towards the goal. I  try again, and I redo what has been done. I reinvent what needs to be done. Perhaps I did it the wrong way the first time. Second, I review and make sure I left nothing undone. I make sure I returned all calls and messages. I made sure I didn’t delay my response or my response was received. Third, I mentally release. (You are worth it; you work hard; your work is not in vain; you’re a great mom; you’re beautiful; you are confident). I started to chant against whatever is weighing me down.

Chant your burdens away, remember life and death are in the power of your tongue. Speak positively over anything you feel negatively about. Constantly think about the good things and walk in the positive light, instead of the negative. Most importantly, break for a moment, mentally, socially, and physically. Break, even if it’s for 10 min. Break! Clear your mind. I like to go outside to the park, backyard, or anywhere, there are natural surroundings. They soothe me, they calm me. Finally At Ease. 020717

I wrote this in 2017 and I believe that this is still very accurate to this day. You must find a way through the weary times and self-encouragement is number one on the list. This past year I recovered from being physically, mentally, and spiritually broken. What did I do during my time of recovery I followed my creator. I created consistency in my life towards doing the things that I am here to fulfill. I worked towards goals that I should have never left on the back burner. I focused on myself and my growth so I can then in turn help my family and others around me. If you don’t work on yourself, your pot will be empty to feed or serve others. I focused on my podcast. Our first full year is almost complete!

You need resources and positive outlets to help you during times of overcoming. You need to sometimes get on the phone and laugh about nothing. Then there will also be times when you need someone to challenge your negative thoughts. You need someone to feed the hunger of that dream that you’ve been dreaming that is very reachable with the right support system around you. 

I want you to dream! I want you to know your dream is reachable! I want you to know everything in life you wish to have, you can with consistency and determination! I need to hear this often and I’m here to make sure you hear this too! 

Let’s reach our goals together!

Why God?

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Why am I stuck in this position around people that don’t want me around? Either, they don’t want me around or they are just trying to be nice to me. I’m thankful for the good deeds, however, I’m hurt. I’m hurt, knowing that although I’m in your space you’ll never desire me to be there.  God, that hurts bad. Why every time I’m trying to escape these situations I’m unsuccessful? Why am I stuck here? Why was I stuck there?  Why am I here now? God! I’m so tired. I’m so worn down. I’m loved out. I’m tired of loving on people. I’m tired of loving anyone. 

I’m drained. I’ve tried to spread agape love, wherever I go. Is this what I’m reaping? When I’m nice, people take advantage. When I love, people take advantage. When I give, people take advantage. I don’t want to be used anymore. I don’t want to feel anymore. I want my guard back up. I don’t want to be transparent. I don’t want to be honest. I don’t want to talk about real feelings. The real answers hurt, they hurt too bad. I’m tired of being the strong, never hurt girl. The girl that people see as a robot without feelings. I have feelings and they hurt. I have morals and standards. God, I’m tired, this whole mess is draining. Rejection by your loved ones, this hurts the most. I just want to be desired. I want to feel like a woman or even a young girl that a schoolboy has a crush on. I just want one human that’s not my kids to love me unconditionally. Just one, am I asking too much. I’m not strong, I’m not impenetrable, I’m soft. I’m kind, and I love everyone unconditionally. I’m weak. I can’t take it anymore, I really can’t. 

As I wrote this in August I wept one early morning. I was broken to the core, and I still am. In 2017, I lost my home. In 2018, I lost my kids and business. During these losses, I lost hope in everything, as I tried to continue to find my way out of the woods. I just wanted to stay and sit and just be lost. Just being surrounded by no one. I reached the point of comfort in the wilderness. I started to try to figure out my why; my purpose in going through the things I went thru. 

Now 4 years later I’m still recovering, I’m far from where I was but recovery is a process. I’ve been able to see and embrace the lessons I needed to learn. The crying out of “Why God?” was one of my many breaking points. I was lost and I didn’t know what to do. I was lost for years. Even in finding my way out and changing my surroundings, I still was lost for a very long time. My last Why God? was me asking God why did I find comfort in abuse in unnecessary relationships. Ones that don’t benefit me or aren’t true to what they put on to be. What was the comfort in abuse? Why couldn’t I shake these bad things out of my life? 

Sometimes it’s just the moment of asking why that can open you up to find out the real answers that will shift things in your life. Many times we need to stop and ask why. That why can lead you to a reevaluation and a cognizant purposeful shift. Life is a journey full of lessons. So what you are going thru is only temporary and is not a permanent place in your life. You are only passing thru. Remember you got this! Keep pushing daily! 

Check out my podcast Resources in the Valley for more great tidbits on getting thru the tough times in life and business! 

Scheduled Chaos

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Do we live in scheduled chaos?

Few can manipulate the constant demands placed by daily life, while most allow the pressure to slow them down. We need to approach chaos head-on with common sense, multi-tasking, and organizational classes to give life pointers. This would benefit our community to assist the dependent to reach their goals.

In our daily lives, we somehow find a way to normalize busyness. From waking up to start the day and possibly fitting in a workout or some other morning routine, before heading out to work. Staying at work for 8-10 hours and then returning home to start your evening activities. Between running children around, taking classes, and running errands. We have dinner and hope to get enough sleep to feel refreshed to do it again in the morning. Most may actually slightly desire chaos as they push harder with more against them. These people often work a regular FT job or 2 PTs and manage to find time to go to school or run another business on the side. Many still have families that they take care of at home in addition and they actually get bored when they don’t have that additional time occupied. Slightly addicted to the Chaos?

Is this chaos healthy or toxic? Is this a push toward the greater good or is it a stumbling block that slows us down? Perhaps this chaos separates the successful from the unsuccessful? Who’s to say what success is?  There are many that feel comfortable with the glass ceiling they placed above their own head. Anything unfamiliar stops their drive to higher ground. What if we empowered people to believe in themselves for real? Like you can do anything you want to do, or you don’t have to follow the framework of your neighbor. What if we taught refocus in times of stress? How much further would our community be as a whole? I believe we need to approach chaos head-on with common sense, multi-tasking, and organizational classes to give life pointers. I’m sure we all know a few that would benefit from common sense 101.

Strength

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What do you do when you notice a close family member has the same characteristics as your abuser? I decided to love both from a distance as I’m currently unable to get rid of either one of the parties. However, just like AA recognizing the problem is the first step. I’ve recognized it and now I have to put a plan in place. A plan for negative things like this to not deter me or slow me down when pursuing my life goals. So often I hear folks say cut this one off, cut that one off. However, how are you growing when you eliminate people left and right. 

A talk with a long-time friend really encouraged me that I’m learning how to deal with things I can’t control but also allowing them not to affect me is key. I started to speak my truth as we were getting off the phone and she could understand so clearly that a call back was rendered. We finished our conversation in depth and we both grew from it. I thanked her so much because I needed it as much as she did. How do you deal with relatives that have the same characteristics as abusers? You love them from a distance, you steer the conversation, and you limit their time and topics that you will address with them. There is no love lost as these people are our relatives and there was a day when we would stop the world for them. However, in the growth of wisdom, we start to see things through clear not tinted eyes. We start to assess and address things for what they are. 

I’ve learned that I’m actually building strength in speaking to them. I’m learning how to deal with the next person I  come in contact with that has these characteristics. I’m learning to recognize the patterns immediately and how to remove or distance them from me and my mental capacity. Life is not only about learning but it is also about expanding our mental capacity and learning how to deal with and address things as soon as they happen. How to stop negativity at the drop of a dime. How to not respond to the start of a conversation addressing something negative. Is this the kind of energy you want to have in your spirit for the day? Nope! 

I’ve always been a go-to person that doesn’t go to anyone. I know there are people I can call but I believe my issues are my own burden to bare. Problems and issues are also a chance to address my choices and find where I made the choice that landed me in a hard spot. We have all the answers if we will be brutally honest with ourselves. I don’t even want to use the word brutal because it’s negative, let’s say truly honest to ourselves. Truly is the only thing you should want from others and you should give to others. However many find comfort in putting on a persona. The truth always comes to light there is not even any point in lying to yourself or others. 

Over the last few years being truly honest with myself has given me so much wisdom. Stopping and asking myself why I deal with people, what is the comfort in a negative relationship, what is good, and what is bad. All questions that are very telling of our mindset. 

Your mind is one of your most important assets and it is a terrible thing to waste. So take a moment to pause and ask yourself, what got me here and how can I change it?

Tune in to my podcast Resources in the Valley for more tidbits on getting out of the valley and climbing the mountain to success!

So Strong

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You’re so strong

And what’s your point?
That is what most would like to know when they hear this comment. What is that supposed to mean?

This phrase is often given as a compliment. However, it usually isn’t received that way. The person that someone is usually saying this to has a lot on their plate. Many of times, they are struggling to see their way out of a situation or trying to overcome a burden. Instead of giving this compliment to your friend or family. How about you offer to pray for their continued strength. I have realized that people who usually receive this “comment” are carrying a burden they are struggling with. Most of the time, it’s not the time to say this. It’s time to offer help or support.

Your strong friends are usually the ones that will not ask for help no matter what. No matter how heavy that burden gets they will do their best to push through it. These are the friends to offer help or pray for or support in an unexpected way. I know these strong friends will also reject help this is why you find a way. Even if it is to just listen so they can release some of the burdens on their heart and mind.

I was reading or watching something recently I think it was a show. The friend told the person to just be there for the other friend. “Don’t say anything just sit with them.” You truly don’t know how important this is for people who are the ‘strong’ friend. Just sit with them, have dinner, have a drink, spend some time. This will mean more than you can even begin to understand.

Support those strong friends that support you because how do they endure if no one supports them the way they support others.

Relocation Part 2

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Whew, I’m a long way from leaving home for 4 years, then coming back almost 4 years ago.

As I look back on the knowledge that I have gained through various wonderful and terrible experiences. I can ultimately say I am grateful. Today I am anyway. I had a conversation with my now podcast co-host that I was going to go through a period of depression when I returned home. She asked me, “Why did I think that?’. I responded as I had visually seen the future. 

Sidebar: Be careful what you speak into existence.  

About 2 months later I moved back home. Depression was immediate and tough times became tougher. Honestly speaking, I knew I couldn’t depend on people but I gave them a chance, anyway. This was not just one person, this was many. In the first 3 months, I went from already being homeless to also losing my children and my vehicle, as well. Devastated wasn’t the word, not even depressed, I was defeated. I was waving the white flag, just giving up. My family and friends tried to encourage me as much as they could, however, I felt like I had totally failed at life. I didn’t even want to serve my clients. Many of them wouldn’t take no for an answer. So I straightened up as much as I could and pushed forward. That first year really was a blur. I just tried to make myself happy in all the wrong ways. Through 4 places I stayed and 2 cars I acquired but didn’t have, I was still homeless. The first day I went back to work my transmission went. It took me a year to get that car fixed. 

The second-year was better than the first. I finally got my own place. A month in my own place I realized I was not in a good relationship and needed to get this out of my life. At the same time, in the back of my mind, I was scared to do things on my own and felt like I needed a person, a partner, a friend. I tried to push through unnecessary drama and still carried things on my own, I still felt like I needed him. When in reality, I didn’t. I was taking care of everything because I’m a superwoman. I really hate that, honestly, but I’ve always played that position even during the hardest of times.  It took me too long to get out. I grew during that year though. I grew mentally, physically, and spiritually. 

Through the even tougher times as I struggled to get back to me, I learned a lot. I assessed a lot. I asked myself why are you allowing these things in your life. I finally made up my mind to remove them in the third year. That was even more drama. However, on the other side of that relationship, I renewed my belief in myself. I realized that through all that mess, I looked for someone to save me and the only person I needed to save me was me. Relocating and removing myself from my environment created a different level of resilience that I’m not sure I was capable of before. 

So this year, I’m a superwoman for myself and my children. Year four, I’m dedicated to taking care of myself. I had to embrace that I am a super and will always be my own hero. I will be a superhero, for me!

Trust

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Everyday is still a constant challenge. You realize you may need a help mate in life however it’s hard to trust people. Hard to depend on others. It’s hard it truly is. Trusting some one as a friend and trusting some one as a roommate or partner are two different levels. Thru the last few years many have offered many I turned down. Not because of lack of friendship but because of lack trust. Lack of trusting someone with your full life not just part of it. I’ve mastered the trust with part of it side not the trust with all of it side. Most don’t meet that standard. I’ve realized that over this time of lack. I don’t trust anyone with my whole life, I’m not sure if I ever will.
I have a method of avoidance. Consistently avoiding fully opening up or fully disclosing. Only partial,  always partial. I call it protecting my heart.  However I recognize it’s toxic.  Early childhood experiences from so called friends that betrayed me in many ways. I remember a distinct incident of a girl that came to my birthday party so they would have something to talk about. Through these incidents  I made an unconscious choice on how to deal with people in the future.  Don’t let them get too close.   Moving around has driven me insane and hasn’t made my trust any better.  So as I prepare to make more changes, I also prepare to open myself up to fully trusting someone.

Resources in the Valley

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When in doubt, shift back to what you know. What has worked. Just reinvent and update the process to fit your current goal.

These daily activities keep me moving forward during tough times.
More often than not we have a bunch of other things going on in life than the stuff we need to focus on to push forward.

These are my daily six steps to keep myself going.

1. Uplift yourself.  You must always motivate yourself.  Whatever picks up your spirit!

2.Work in your purpose.
Working in your purpose always gives you a good feeling.

3.Organize your finances.
Review and look for more ways to save, invest and make money. 
*Don’t do this if it’s going to cause stress.

4.Take a Break! You deserve it!

5.Work towards your goal!
Another feel good activity, creating progress!

6. Celebrate your success!

Mindful choices

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Everyday we have a decision  of how to start our day. Yesterday, on my day off, I woke up pissed off. Not wanting to let that energy consume my day.  I completed a mini workout and turned on a book during my other morning routines. By the time I was ready to leave the house.  I was recharged with positivity.  My outlook to the day and said situation completely changed.  It’s up to us to control our minds daily.
A book,  a power mantra, a podcast, a song,  whatever it is that will help you shift your mood. Use these tools to shift your mind.  Don’t dwell on things you can’t control.  Be aware of how things make you feel. As you practice this control you will gain more confidence in the goals you strive to achieve.

Keep pushing daily!!

Unloyal

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That’s the one thing I asked. Don’t have me out here looking stupid.
This goes for all relationships.  Especially supposed friends and family.  I often reevaluate after big changes. So ending my 3 yr relationship has caused an analysis of relationships across the board.  Watch those closest to you as they are the ones that are in the best position to hurt you.  Create distance from any shady actions and watch from a distance. I wasn’t surprised at what I saw when I paid attention.

Why do we so often protect those that don’t protect us this goes for family as well. I believe in always being the bigger person. Yet the bigger person shouldn’t have to sacrifice or be humiliated on someone else’s behalf. At that point, it’s time to walk away from family, friendships, anyone disloyal.

What is loyalty? a strong feeling of support or allegiance. Why are we loyal to those who are not loyal to you. The fact that they don’t know what loyalty is, is not your problem. Honestly, those are the worst ones. Those that have had very few loyal to them so they are loyal to no one else other than themselves. They are the most toxic and need to be left alone. You are not the sacrifice. God said he would provide the sacrifice, so stop sacrificing yourself.

What is allegiance? loyalty or commitment of an individual to a group or cause.
So with that being said.  The breaking of loyalty or allegiance is reason enough for removal.  Even the slightest bit of disloyalty can’t be forgiven.  I fought so many battles that folks haven’t even heard of because you’re not disrespecting my loved ones to me ever. You can’t come to me in that fashion.  How can you kick someone’s back in and beg for forgiveness at the same time? It makes no sense.  It’s disloyal. How can you commit the ultimate disrespectful action and still come begging and crying? How? How can you keep secrets that got me out here looking stupid but supposedly you are one of my closest friends and or family? Please don’t walk side by side with me and you are contributing to the problem. We’re not doing that anymore. I rather walk alone than walk with snakes.

Everyone wants a pass. “Please look past my bs”….. HELL NO! So often folks complain about other folks instead of looking inside to figure out why are they allowing all of this to happen. Why haven’t you stepped up instead of blaming someone else? Because it’s easier to accuse than deal with yourself. I’m here to tell you through cutting people off, I also had to deal with myself and step up my standards. I shouldn’t allow people who are unloyal even in my presence. They may have been loyal before but they’re not loyal now, so distance is the fix.