Category Archives: Rough Times

Does time really heal all wounds?

I’m pretty sure I wrote a blog long ago saying time heals all wounds but we have to be open to healing.

So what happens if your not?

Nothing no progress, lack of focus, wasting time, loss of productivity.  Is this worth holding a grudge?  You slow yourself down worrying about someone or something that is not worried about you. 

Heal your own wounds.  Like a cat, lick your wounds, heal them. No help, no assistance, just you cleaning yourself up. 

Then stand strong again. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people and work on crushing your goals!

Remember keep pushing daily!

Don’t want to Talk

I wouldn’t even know where to begin when we talk about the daily personal challenges. I gotten to the point where I don’t even want to talk about them anymore. Honestly, I try to ignore them. It’s hard though, because apart of me feels like ignoring some of these issues is ignoring my kids. When in reality I try to ignore the pettiness to keep the peace so I can see my kids. When my kids visit me on the weekends I have to split my time so he can see the cousins he wants to hang with or the friends he wants to play with.
I used to desire a little girl, I even wanted to adopt. Now, I don’t want anymore kids. Especially when I feel like I can’t take care of my own. I’ve ran from writing, yet maybe I need to get some of this stuff off of my chest. The burdens are heavy and no matter how much you try to ignore them they are still there.
Progress in pursuit of the goal sounds good, yet the sacrifices that have to be made tend to hurt.

Not A Girly Girl

She’s not a girly girl….

Have you ever wondered why she isn’t? Has she always been this way? Did she change? If so why?

So often we make statements about people and don’t value or care what’s in the root of it. We become who we are through experiences. Positive and negative experiences. Some mold us to be more optimistic, some make us closed off, and some give us drive.

I recently told my friend about an incident that happened to me in high school. Beginning of 10 the grade to be exact. About 10 guys tried to rape me. Thank God they were unsuccessful. This incident will effect me for the rest of my life and is part of the reason she’s not a girly girl. What hurt me the most is the same friend’s daughter came to here to tell her about an incident her best friend experienced over the weekend. The guys were successful. There is stuff that happens like this everyday and women are ashamed to talk about it. Many feel they were apart of the reason it happened to them. They weren’t smart, they were too provocative, they shouldn’t have been where they were, etc. It is never your fault ladies no matter what! Parents, teach your son’s this is unacceptable behavior ever. Parents also open the floor for your children to have honest conversation with you. The worst thing you can do is call your kid a liar. They may never want to be open with you again. Please keep in mind every experience molds us especially reactions to us exposing our truths.
No matter what, every experience effects us whether we like it or not. So it’s up to us make the best of it!

Not feeling it

I just, have not felt like writing. I definitely have things to write about, alot. Honestly, it’s been a fight between what to tell and me figuring out what’s going on in my life. What’s the lesson and which direction am I being pushed.
Life is not only about pushing daily. It’s also about pushing in the right direction. There are times that life will slow us down in order for us to take a moment to become aware of what we have.
So over the past year or so I’ve been reflecting on work in progress, reviewing what needs to be done, and realizing my surroundings. Those around you are around for a reason. Maximize your relationships. You’ll be surprised how much you gain from helping others. I’ll be back to posting regularly soon.  Until then reflect, review and realize your reality. And grow from there!

Resolutions, Nah…

Upon the end of each year, many of us take a look back at the ending year and identify something we would like to change. Now we want to approach the goal we didn’t reach differently or we finally want to stop that bad habit. Or we finally want to start taking care of our health. Most of the goals I have reached or changes I have maintained didn’t start on any Jan 1st. They started when I made a conscious decision enough is enough.  Why isn’t this done daily or weekly? Why must we wait for a new routine of messing up to fix it. This past year I went through many challenges or challenges went thru me. Thru those difficulties, I lost my stability, I lost my drive.  I didn’t even know who I was looking at in the mirror.  When you see things going wrong, change the course. When nothing is falling in place, change your position. When things go wrong look for the underlying blessing. Even in returning to the town I grew up in that I left 12 years ago. I had to find the blessing and purpose in being back home. I now realize I had to be hear I needed to regain my drive and passion.  At times we wait until there is nothing left to make the change or the resolution. Don’t wait until Dec 31, 2019, to change what’s not working next year. Give it three strikes and it’s out. New direction, a new path, new strategy. I challenge you all to join me.

Don’t make resolutions, make changes today, next week and the week after until you find what works for you.

Happy New Year!

Wishing you extreme focus, love, and prosperity in 2019!

Washed Up

“Washed up, left for dead, dissed and forgotten, they hoped that I’d be gone, stiff and rotten”, Nas said in Ether. So many people feel this way, men, and women, about past relationships, and the times they have put their hearts on the line.

I’ve placed my heart in the hands of men that didn’t have any good intentions, I’ve planned weddings with people that still had someone on the side, I’ve taken care of people when they couldn’t take care of themselves, while I could barely take care of myself. I’ve been a victim of physical abuse, I’ve been verbally abused. I’ve fought through mental abuse, I’ve been constantly torn down instead of loved. I’ve been his fool, I’ve been used, I’ve been deceived. I’ve even been patient while waiting for him to get it ‘together’. I’m sure many of you have conquered these things with me.

These things are not a mark of dishonor, they are actually a mark of an overcomer. You have overcome despite, being used, taken advantage of, unloved, fooled, the constant challenges, the constant heartbreak, the depression, and strife. These things have made you stronger, not weaker. Don’t be ashamed of the things that you have overcome. For you have gotten over the hurdle. You made it even though. You completed the challenge and continued moving forward. Your heart was broken and you tried again. This time is no different from any other time. You’ve learned a lesson, you’ve gained wisdom and knowledge. You may not be able to see it now, but this made you smarter, it made your actions more precise. We can make it thru this. Your failures are not what defines you, your actions after it is what develops character, strength, and perseverance. That’s what I admire. The perseverance that no matter what, I’m going to get up and try again.

Did you know that horseshoe crabs shed their shells? The process is called molting, this is how they grow. Sometimes, we may feel like we are that shell, hard on the outside and don’t want to let anyone in.  The shell that has washed up on the beach and has been left behind. When in reality we have shed our shell. We’ve taken another layer off, to expand our knowledge, our reach, our minds. We had to shed to grow. We had to go thru the lost to learn this lesson and experience this growth.

Do you know someone is looking up to you? Everytime you get up, someone else decides to get up too, because you tried again. You gave them the strength to do the same. There are many people that didn’t have much it easy growing up, yet they are relentless in their pursuit of success. It’s because they saw their parents/guardians get up and make the most out of every day, regardless of the outcome. It never stopped them.

Don’t let it stop you!

Down in the valley

There is clarity, there is strength, there is strife, down in the dungeon.

There is beauty, there is hope, there is misery, down in the gully.

There are tears, there is fear, there is joy, down in the valley.

Down in the dungeon, There is clarity, for those who couldn’t see straight. There is strength for those who thought they were weak. There is strife, for those who strive to fix the problem, down in the dungeon.

There is beauty, for those who have internal and external scars.  There is hope for the hopeless. There is misery for those who plan to conquer it.

There are tears for those who will cry many through their transition. There is fear that things will not work out right. There is joy when you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel knowing the time has come and you have made it thru. Your storm is now over!

Bullying

         Have you ever been bullied or were you the bully? I have. This topic is something I have probably never spoke about. Through elementary school there was a particular girl who was in quite a few classes with me over the years who bullied me. I entered this school in 2nd grade. I was placed in 2nd grade instead of 1st grade, so I was the youngest. In 3rd grade year we ended up in the same class. Her main purpose was to make sure that nobody liked me. That’s how I felt anyway. I can’t even tell you why she didn’t like me. I still don’t know to this day. Funny thing, I’m living 10 hours away from my hometown and she lives in the same town as me now. I remember one year, 4th grade if I’m not mistaken, she had a birthday party and purposely invited every single girl except for me. I think these girls even called me during the sleep over, prank calls to my house phone. In 5th and 6th grade we weren’t in the same class, but she always continued to do things and try to rally her troops against me. She even tried to get my best friend to turn on me. Anyone who spoke to me she befriended with the intentions of ruining our friendship. We graduated elementary school and went to middle school and of course the bullying continued. In 7th grade one day I had to stay late after school. When I left to walk home there were about 15- 30 pp outside of the school waiting to beat me up. I still don’t know why. Honestly, I was scared and hadn’t been in too many fights. I was able though to call her bluff and talk my way out of the situation. I told all the bystanders that I didn’t have any issues with them. The issue was with her and if she wanted to fight me then let’s fight fair. Long story short I called her bluff. At 12 in a new school while everyone else was 13, I continue to be bullied. All my friends were not there, because I had to stay late after school. After that situation she slowed down but kept her shit up through 12 grade.

You don’t want to socialize, all of these places that should be fun are places of attack.

          I know the feeling all too well that children experience while being bullied. You don’t want to go to school, you don’t want to go to the special events at school. You don’t want to socialize, all of these places that should be fun are places of attack. They are the places that the kids will ridicule you and pick with you and call you ugly etc. This young lady that is in the news now, killed herself after months of bullying her parents were aware of. When did it start? How long did it truly go on? With social media, bullying is way worse, with Trump as president bullying is at an all time high. I really believe social media may be why he was even able to get into office. He is a bully and he empowers all the bullies in the country and around the world. NO child should kill themselves ever, especially from being bullied. This is on us as a community. It takes a village to raise a child or is that just an old fable.

          As parents and adults I want to challenge you to look at your habits. Be mindful of the things you laugh at. So many people are bullied through technology because of their shortcomings. Who are you to judge? Are you truly perfect? None of us are. Even media and radio outlets need to be mindful of the things they are reporting. I heard a young lady say on the radio this morning that social media has made us insensitive, but she then continued to report a fighting situation in Florida where people recorded instead of helped, smh. She is insensitive as well. That incident shouldn’t even be addressed. The more we bring attention to these things, they will never stop occurring. If you see something say something, not to the authorities to the culprit. Cut the tree at the roots. If you see a child begin to bully or clown someone else on social media, address it immediately before it gains more attention. We as a community have to make an initiative to love on one another more. Just because I don’t know you doesn’t mean I can’t have love for you or wish the best for you. Competition is none. When we lift each other up the results are huge. Everyone is successful instead of only one. Guess what success is lonely, being rich is lonely, why place yourself in a position where you only have money to love. The ideal should be love and stability.

Even harmless jokes aren’t totally harmless.

          As we enter into this school year, let’s have the bullying conversation with our children. Let’s check our own habits and make sure we are not showing them its okay. Don’t say anything about the person that just walked past you, don’t judge the person who has no decent clothes to wear. Don’t be so critical of others, your children watch your every move and you would be surprised of the things they learn from you. In order for bullying to stop it must be addressed in our homes. Even harmless jokes aren’t totally harmless. Let’s put a stop to bullying and save our children and our communities.

Losses

Have you ever lost something and wasn’t sure how you were going to make out without it?

A little over a year ago. I moved from a 3 bd house to a 2 bd apt. Some friends helped me moved and I couldn’t have been more grateful. Being I had ALOT of things, we ended up putting a few things elsewhere, temporarily, until I was able to unpack and make room. Well I quickly realized there was a very important box in these things. All of my memories, all of my photo albums, yearbooks, my kids baby books, my parents wedding book, achievement books for me and my children, my degrees, etc. There were other things stored like games, toys and furniture, but this box was the one I was looking for in particular. Long story short, everything was lost. I was so distraught from losing these precious memories and things, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t even contain my emotions of anger and disappointment. I had literally lost over 30 something years of memories. I wished at that moment some of the stuff stayed at my moms. However, at that point there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I was distraught. In my sorrow I had to find a way to live without it. I started, by having a mental burial for the stuff, I started to imagine, it was lost in a fire, although that was not the case. I had to make up in my mind that these things are gone and they are never coming back. It was difficult and still till this day, I sometimes start to search for something around my home and realize it was lost in “the fire”. This keeps my mind from shifting to the why and cause of why it’s gone. The cause of why it’s gone, was out of my control and I can not change a thing about it.

Mental strength comes when you stretch your mind, Physical strength comes when you stretch your muscles, Spiritual strength comes when you stretch your faith.

Sometimes relationships with people need to be dealt with in the same manner. I’ve heard people freak out or feel uncomfortable when someone explains they had a mental burial for another person. Why is that? This is an action that removes this person from your mind. Which is in fact healing. You can also forgive, however, I think more of us have a bigger challenges with that. I didn’t remove the responsible party from my life, I forgave them, however the subject is still touchy and I don’t want to talk about it. See there was strength created in forgiving. There is strength in continuing that friendship and not cutting that person off. I realized as of lately. I crave being stronger, I crave these challenges that make me lose myself in forgiveness. Every time I’m in the situation I sulk, as most of us do, it’s a part of healing. I ask why am I here again. However, I come out stronger each time. Sometimes that strength comes with bruises, but what strength comes without bruises. Mental strength comes when you stretch your mind, Physical strength comes when you stretch your muscles, Spiritual strength comes when you stretch your faith. So emotional strength comes when you stretch your empathy, when you’re able to unconditionally forgive.  Bruises heal, even broken bones and hearts heal too. Battle wounds may hurt when they strike however they are awesome when they heal!

The battle you are going thru is not the end. You will not break and whatever you do break will heal. The healing will create endurance, perseverance, and an even stronger resilience for anything coming your way. Fight the good fight. Either bury or forgive and keep it moving. Your time is money and spending too much time pursuing, worrying, or sulking is a loss to you not those who affected you.

Say this with me: You’re forgiven, it’s forgotten and I’m moving on!

Miscarriage

Have you or a loved one experienced a miscarriage? This is one of the most disheartening events I have ever experienced. I had a miscarriage Halloween 2009.  My body pushed the baby out. When I realized the extreme pains was my body miscarrying, it was too late there was nothing I could do.  I miscarried at 4 months. I had made it to my second trimester, it was totally unexpected. I thought I had made it over the hump, boy was I wrong. I was taking my son trick or treating and had to leave him with my neighbors in a rush. Per doctors, most miscarriages are random and causes are not pinpointed. A miscarriage is not only a loss of your baby. It tends to bring doubt about the ability to even carry a child. I felt as if I would never be able to have another full term pregnancy again. I questioned myself as to what I had done wrong. Even my doctor tried to assure me it wasn’t my fault. However, I still thought that it was my fault, I had failed at giving the best to my unborn child.  Not only did depression kick in at thought of loosing my child, the fear of never being able to give birth again was a much bigger burden. Most women feel obligated to be able to have children and if they can’t it is depressing. They tend to doubt themselves. I felt as if my body had failed me and I may have no longer been equipped to have another child.

I think about my child every Halloween. Was it a boy or girl? Who would they look like? What would their personality be like? Miscarriage tends to be an unspoken subject. As many women feel incompetent. I can count on one hand, how many people knew about this event. They weren’t the closest people to me either. They were the ones that would listen and keep the secret. We deal with things internally and not externally. Sometimes we need to talk it out with someone that cares and that can encourage us to keep on. If you had a miscarriage or someone you know has had one, I want to encourage you or them today. That miscarriage is not the end of your story and you will have many more blessings in life. You will have another chance to give life or raise a child.  Remember it takes a village to raise a child and with or without child you are an important part of your village.