I wouldn’t even know where to begin when we talk about the daily personal challenges. I gotten to the point where I don’t even want to talk about them anymore. Honestly, I try to ignore them. It’s hard though, because apart of me feels like ignoring some of these issues is ignoring my kids. When in reality I try to ignore the pettiness to keep the peace so I can see my kids. When my kids visit me on the weekends I have to split my time so he can see the cousins he wants to hang with or the friends he wants to play with.
I used to desire a little girl, I even wanted to adopt. Now, I don’t want anymore kids. Especially when I feel like I can’t take care of my own. I’ve ran from writing, yet maybe I need to get some of this stuff off of my chest. The burdens are heavy and no matter how much you try to ignore them they are still there.
Progress in pursuit of the goal sounds good, yet the sacrifices that have to be made tend to hurt.
The first 3 days, weeks, months, years
I’ve been told that I’m admired for relocating. That friends and family are oh so very proud of me. All while I’m screaming help on the inside. Have you been here?
Oh look at you! You’re doing it! Go girl! The one that may have hurt the worst, “I want to be like you when I grow up.” Said a childhood friend, I actually hoped it was in jest, but he made it clear he was very serious. Once again all while screaming on the inside, “HELP, I’m drowning here”
This experience of changing my surroundings completely. Leaving all of my family and moving somewhere I didn’t know anyone, blew my mind. Only one friend and a few of her friends. Wow, I’m still blown away to this day and we haven’t reached the 3-year mark, yet.
The first 3 days was honestly a blur. What I do remember, my oldest child and I pulled into Charlotte, NC and checked into the extended stay. Not only was it an extended stay it was one of the more ‘urban’ facilities. My son did not want to stay with me and actually refused. Well, he was blessed to have a backup plan in which he did not have to spend 6-8 weeks in the extended stay with mom. The hotel did not have any dishes, so I bought some. There was no way I was going into storage, besides my stuff wasn’t here yet anyway. The first 3 days I can honestly say wasn’t too bad. Other than, a pissy elevator and my friendly neighbors wondering where is she going with a suit on daily. To be continued…
Hustling or working, the game never changes just the service. I’ve learned to keep pushing no matter what!
It feels like the motivation to get up in the morning and start work. It feels like a hot cup of coffee. It feels like peace knowing that you ’re working and doing things for the right reasons. It feels like the confidence that you’re going to complete your task. Confidence in knowing that the completion of the task will help you reach your goal. It feels like gratefulness. Being grateful for all of the things that you have and have been blessed with. Gratefulness for the things you worked so hard to receive or accomplish. Grateful for the ability, drive, and focus required. It feels like success when you’re almost to the finish line. It is faith, it makes you feel like the finish line is right up ahead, when it may actually not be in sight. Faith feels like when you have all of the energy and adrenaline you need as you begin your race. Faith feels good, confidence feels good, and believing in yourself feels great! Let’s get that feeling back!
Listen to Me, God said. Today I went on an interview, the interview went well until the last question. Then I bombed a test that I should have aced. “Listen to Me”, God said.
“I put this center in your heart years ago and you haven’t taken the first step? Why my child, why?”
Why do we constantly ignore God? Are we scared, fearful, or defeated before the race even started. We have to get over this fear! I included!
So the interview was with someone who found my resume on the internet. When I looked into the position, it intrigued me. So, I reached out and applied. I still was on the fence about even applying for this position at this point. The HR rep contacted me within the hour. We set up a telephone interview and it went very well. She then scheduled an on-site interview. So I started to do my research (homework) on the company and it turned out the company was in the same industry as my center. When I arrived at the interview I had time to sit and wait in the lobby. While I waited, the security guard and I struck up a conversation. I found out that not only does the building house centers with the same clients, they also have available space! I didn’t get the job, but I got one more piece to my puzzle!
Be thankful for the pieces. I’m grateful for every piece I’m shown. I have many different projects going on however, the ones I receive pieces for are the ones that are his will. His will falls into place perfectly! I remember many times I ignored the pieces and continued in the other direction. When I made these choices, I took the long way through the process because of my fear. When I reflected on the process I saw each decision clearly, I saw how each choice made my process longer. In spite of this, each hurdle added character and strength, I don’t regret one lesson.
I’m sure you have all applied for a job and received a rejection letter saying they have decided to pursue another candidate. At that moment, you felt unqualified. However, were you really unqualified or did someone’s book cover look better than yours?
There are many moments we go through in life where we may feel this way. Yet no matter how things look, we must remember the steps we take are intentional and each choice leads us to a specific position.
Have you been called to do something and you’re scared? What are you scared of? Do you feel unqualified? I feel like this often and it takes different regimens to get that feeling out of my head. If you have been led to do something, speak on something, or called to lead, you are qualified. You have been called to that position for a reason. The first reason is that you have the qualifications! Many times the feeling of being inadequate, or unqualified comes from fear or lack of confidence. We must bury that fear to move forward in life.
You are great, you are qualified! You are great, you are qualified!
We must constantly reassure ourselves that we are more than enough. So many people face this struggle daily. You would be surprised. Some people cover it up in clothes, some cover it up in degrees, some cover it up with cash, some cover it up with love, etc. Do you know that a tree with dead roots doesn’t grow? It doesn’t matter how big, pretty, green, etc. Once the roots are dead, it’s a goner. Don’t let your roots die. Materials are great, accolades are great, cash is great, however, if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. Erase those negative feelings and thoughts! You are great, you are qualified! You are great, you are qualified!
Believe it in your mind and heart first!
There is clarity, there is strength, there is strife, down in the dungeon.
There is beauty, there is hope, there is misery, down in the gully.
There are tears, there is fear, there is joy, down in the valley.
Down in the dungeon, There is clarity, for those who couldn’t see straight. There is strength for those who thought they were weak. There is strife, for those who strive to fix the problem, down in the dungeon.
There is beauty, for those who have internal and external scars. There is hope for the hopeless. There is misery for those who plan to conquer it.
There are tears for those who will cry many through their transition. There is fear that things will not work out right. There is joy when you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel knowing the time has come and you have made it thru. Your storm is now over!
Have you or a loved one experienced a miscarriage? This is one of the most disheartening events I have ever experienced. I had a miscarriage Halloween 2009. My body pushed the baby out. When I realized the extreme pains was my body miscarrying, it was too late there was nothing I could do. I miscarried at 4 months. I had made it to my second trimester, it was totally unexpected. I thought I had made it over the hump, boy was I wrong. I was taking my son trick or treating and had to leave him with my neighbors in a rush. Per doctors, most miscarriages are random and causes are not pinpointed. A miscarriage is not only a loss of your baby. It tends to bring doubt about the ability to even carry a child. I felt as if I would never be able to have another full term pregnancy again. I questioned myself as to what I had done wrong. Even my doctor tried to assure me it wasn’t my fault. However, I still thought that it was my fault, I had failed at giving the best to my unborn child. Not only did depression kick in at thought of loosing my child, the fear of never being able to give birth again was a much bigger burden. Most women feel obligated to be able to have children and if they can’t it is depressing. They tend to doubt themselves. I felt as if my body had failed me and I may have no longer been equipped to have another child.
I think about my child every Halloween. Was it a boy or girl? Who would they look like? What would their personality be like? Miscarriage tends to be an unspoken subject. As many women feel incompetent. I can count on one hand, how many people knew about this event. They weren’t the closest people to me either. They were the ones that would listen and keep the secret. We deal with things internally and not externally. Sometimes we need to talk it out with someone that cares and that can encourage us to keep on. If you had a miscarriage or someone you know has had one, I want to encourage you or them today. That miscarriage is not the end of your story and you will have many more blessings in life. You will have another chance to give life or raise a child. Remember it takes a village to raise a child and with or without child you are an important part of your village.
Imani means Faith!
Her name in numerology equals 1. These people usually possess leadership qualities and determination.
From my personal studies in numerology 1’s approach things as if they are brand new. They are more willing to try something new and prod and research. They push to the top!
According to Urban dictionary
“Imani is that one girl who is willing talk to anyone. Her energy is unmatched and sometimes she doesn’t know when to shut up. She laughs at everything and her smile can cheer others up. An Imani is a flirt, Her lively personality and sensual gestures are attractive to others. She may not be the smartest and logic can be somewhat flawed, but she can attract others with her words and surprising wisdom.”
Imani is the name a very important angel in my life. This young lady that I have seen mature into a wonderful woman of God, is a fearless, caring, loving, thru being obedient to her purpose. She shines her light wherever she goes. She is encouraging and provides such soft direct messages from God. I can’t begin to tell you the amount of times she called me in the middle of that ugly cry. She didn’t know. Her conversation was exactly what I needed to hear at the time. Every time I receive text, email, missed call; I know God tells me keep the faith. So I looked up her name to figure out the meaning. Bingo! Her name means faith! This relationship is purposeful and it was my first time visiting Charlotte that I met her. Even though I’m in Charlotte and she’s in Phoenix. Over the year’s Imani has strengthened my faith by her compassion to serve Christ. She is compassionate in her walk and slays the Faith of a godly woman daily . I thank God for guiding my unplanned path as through his walk I’m stronger and I’m free.
I want to encourage you today to look at your relationships. Cherish your relationships, even those that may be temporary for they are all deep in meaning and will have some sort of future effect on your life. This relationship means so much to me because it was developed during a time of change a lot of change. When I met Imani, if you asked me where I would be in seven years. It would not be here, doing what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. That is the beautiful thing about faith. We learn to trust the process and the direction that it is leading us because it isn’t necessarily what we thought we had planned. Walking in faith and not by sight, is a daily challenge, however thank those that are in your surroundings that make this task a little easier everyday. These relationships are purposeful and were established for the blessing it has been to your life. Every relationship has a purpose. This is one I cherish dearly!