There are times that many of us hibernate to get thru difficult times. Some say this is not healthy and some may say its ok. Depression is not healthy and hiding in a funk is not alright. However, putting our head down and focusing on the future and nothing else, is not bad. There are situations in life that are going to need your undivided attention. During this time there may not be energy to focus on anything else. Especially when this task may have multiple strains that need to be fixed to get to where you would like to be.
I haven’t written in a while because I have felt the most unqualified and inadequate I have ever felt in my life. I want to encourage and help others, however, how do you help one when you can’t help yourself. I have angels on my side that have been strategically placed in my life to help thru these times. I’m extremely grateful for each one of them. From them and these situations, I have learned, humility, patience, strength, perseverance, gratefulness, etc. You must make the most out of each day and what you have. When you work daily towards progress, you tend to constantly feel like its never enough. However, what you have today is enough! I have taught my sons through these times that home is where we three are together. No matter where we may be. I’m thankful for those that have been supportive, those that have been encouraging, those that have been genuine, those that have been thoughtful. We must even be thankful for those that have been demeaning, sneaky, disingenuine, etc. Even those that may have turned there back or not been the support you may have thought they would be are to be thanked. For they made you and I push harder and work more consistently.
In these times we gain resilience, we gain ethic, we gain a perspective that broadens your view. For this, we are to be thankful. As this year ends and the challenges continue, I want to challenge you to practice jumping those hurdles that are present and are to come. You have made it this far and will continue to progress. Celebrate your many successes that you have had this year despite the issues. You are not in the same place as you were last year at this time. That is more than enough to celebrate! Take this time take this season to celebrate you! Your life, your achievements, big or small, your triumphs, and the successes to come!
Having standards is not spoiled! The independent woman has been demonized in our society. She’s not easy! She’s has goals! She works too much! OMG!! She has standards! Fellas, don’t leave this one is for you. I’ve seen a few post lately referencing the old school way of dating. Flowers from Walmart and her favorite fast food burger, is enough to make a woman feel loved. Grandiose gestures are welcome, but are not always needed. Women want to be shown you love them. Now not all women are the same and money is not always the way of being shown you love or care for her. However there are different ways of showing women that you care. Time being number one. Ladies love Good Morning text, it shows that you were thinking of her when you woke. Now on the other side of this, they do get annoying so, don’t wear it out. This blog wasn’t to give tips. Its to address women having standards. Do you have a daughter? What are the standards you have tried to implement with her? Would you want your daughter to settle for the way you are treating the woman in your life?
Ladies the men have standards too! I would like you all to ask what is the treatment you desire of your son. We have to learn to be cognizant of others. The standards we set for our own we should be willing to give to the others.
Now, not all peoples standards match. Your standards may be lower or higher than your significant others. In this case it is up to the couple to decide a level of standards that will satisfy both parties. This should be set early in the relationship to avoid any unnecessary misunderstandings. Understanding each other is truly key. I want to challenge you to understand the person you are dealing with deeper. I want to challenge you to understand more of your relationships in general. Having an understanding of where someone is coming from will deepen the connection in unimaginable ways.
So is it Spoiled or Standards?? Understand before you make an assumption.
We tend to set a criteria of what we desire and then we subconsciously look for just that. We steer ourselves in the direction to obtain those qualities. We find them on our own, they are not good enough, or not at least what we expected. We become saddened by our choice not satisfying our hearts desire. When we follow the path to our goal and become so focused on that goal. The blessing tends to find you, it comes in the most unassuming package. It delights us with that thing that we have been in search of. Human nature kicks in, we want to wallow in delight, instead of continuing to focus on the end goal. Don’t get stuck in the celebration. We have to remember to keep our eyes on our goal and enjoy the moments along the way. Celebrate the blessing however remain focused. This is only a step in the right direction and not the end point. I want to encourage you as I encourage myself, celebrate the blessing and then use that celebration to continue to propel yourself forward. Much lock in your aspirations.
You never know what you’re missing until you have had another taste. I’ve been so lost and I got the taste. I found it! It taste like sweet poison. A compliment, a joke, a simple hey, can rejuvenate a human more than most even know. Someone showing you love when no one other than your children truly have in so long. Someone to put a smile on your face. Time alone is great, however it comes with huge sacrifices. The lack of human validation and consistent human love, builds character and strength. As hard as it is to let someone into your space, your energy, your time, when you receive that energy it is hard to deny it. It is an ego booster which does boost us mentally, spiritually.
Poison, how does it taste? No the taste is not always poison, but it can become poison. It can distract you, because now you crave another taste. The quick fix wasn’t enough. That is what is great about celibacy once you have reduced the craving it is no longer a thought. Just don’t allow yourself to get a taste before it is time. That taste changes your thinking it reroutes your subconscious. Ladies, I know many of us who are single and 30+ very often crave a taste. However, is that taste worth it, from the wrong person? What will you sacrifice if the taste is not right?
Love, respect and compromise.
Several conversations I’ve had recently prompted this post. Our culture attempts to follow biblical ways of relational pursuits in which a man should pursue a woman. However, it seems this is not what society follows. Many woman are sitting around waiting for a man to step up and approach a relationship by loving us when in reality we may have someone in love with us in close proximity. Trying to show us as we ignore them. As we all grow older, some men may decide maybe I should say something. Why does it take so long for this to happen? Why are more and more men insecure? How have we caused this? Why are we impatient with the process? This evening I watched a video that spoke on love and respect. Women desire to be loved while men desire to be respected. Whoa! I can see my single independent women saying. Respect what? Well, ladies how many women want a man they can’t respect? I know I sure don’t and I want my sons to see me with someone I can respect. I didn’t remove that we need to be loved and a man should effectively show his woman love. Ladies we must effectively do the same. We have to respect that man in all lights, when he is up, when he is down, when we are happy or mad. Man desires to be respected and as the leaders of our families and homes, they should. I was also asked once why do I always have stalkers. Gentleman that just won’t leave me alone, no matter what. These guys are strictly friends and they have been friend zoned. However they find a tax question, they find a financial question, they find ways to send business my way. Why is that? I respected them, no matter how dirty or wrong they were in our past relationship. There was never a need for me to disrespect. One of my sayings, you have to let a man be a man. There are ways to shut people down with out being rude, disrespectful, or hurting feelings. Its just not necessary to me. I know that I tend to have more friends because I don’t believe in hurting even the meanest of folks feelings. Ladies ask, did you tell them about themselves? I reply, for what? People aren’t receptive to conflict. Once a voice raises, words tend to be blocked out. So why waste your breath and energy being in a huff? Is there a right way? Is there a wrong way? No not at all, there is your preference, your choice. If you choose to pursue relationships ladies great, you may truly find what is meant for you. If not, I don’t believe that you won’t find it either. I choose to be a friend and draw firm lines with people that do not have a chance. Do I need to be rude? No. Do I need to block you? No. How can you Love One Another by spreading hate and hurting feelings? I personally feel it is unnecessary and makes no gains, IMO. I may be slightly more annoyed, but life is annoying. We learn to compromise with life. Why do we have such difficulty compromising in relationships?