Failed!

Brooke's Thoughts

I pulled out the raft,there was a whole in it, so it deflated.

I have felt like the biggest failure lately. I continue to try to strive as things continue to crash down around me. I saw the storm slowly approaching my family and I started to plan. In my efforts of going into survival mode, I did what any person who wants to whether the storm would do and that was prepare. So we began to gather things, that we may need during this difficult time. I pulled out the raft,there was a whole in it, so it deflated. I collected water in bags and tubs, and purchased water for the rough times. We were ready! However, all of the water spilled out. I created and purchased sandbags so the water wouldn’t rush my home. Unfortunately when the storm came, the rain washed the sand bags away and the flood waters began to come in. We collected food to eat for the times we would be without the usual. Not only did the food spoil and a swarm of bugs ate the food that wouldn’t spoil. With storms beating down on our home and flood waters rising we found shelter in the corner of our home. With a huge strike of lightning, the walls began to shake and eventually began to come down. We were left with us, and only us. Our family, me and my boys. We survived, even though our assets and possessions were all gone.

We walked in the rain as we looked for help and direction. We prayed as we looked for shelter. Some came to help and left us in worse conditions than when we begun. Some watched from a distance and knew that the storm would soon be over. Many ran and closed their doors and made the fight a little harder. I understood each hurdle, I understood each trial that was added on top of the ones we already faced. I understood each circumstance and knew there was a much bigger picture to see. However, trying to explain circumstances to a rambunctious six year old, was much more difficult than the trial itself. Explaining each and every transition, answering each question became more of a difficult task. While flood waters took over our home and all things we knew disappeared. I had to also answer the questions of why. As we were continuously turned down and overlooked for each opportunity sought, faith dwindled. I’ve wanted to ask myself, why, but I really don’t have the time to do so. I had to make the best of each itty bitty victory and press on. I had to celebrate each time we saw a little more faith.

What is your next plan if the first one fails?

I taught my boys to do the same. I taught them that with each small victory we were leading to a much larger one. Have you ever weathered the storm? What did you do to overcome it? Have you told your story of trial and triumph? We are in the season of weathering storms as Hurricane season is upon us and is generally over by mid October. How do you get thru? How have you planned to get thru? What are you actions for the aftermath? We have only a limited time to weather storm, in which we will succeed!  What is your plan? What is your next plan if the first one fails? My plan at this point is to continue to pray and ask for guidance, because many of my plans lately have failed. I can only place it all in the creator’s hands.

In the Pursuit of Happiness….

Brooke's Thoughts

I recently had the pleasure of reading an article in reference to online minister’s vs indoctrinated pastors. I also visited a church this morning and the message was “Where do you stand?” This is resonating with me because it questions your foundation and principles in both messages. Not only does it shine a light on your why but your purpose as well.

My why is my immediate family, my children and my mom, although she is not in my household. They are why I work as hard a I do. They are why I start to work from 3am to 6pm. Sometimes later. They are why I work nights and weekends. They are why I am in a relentless pursuit to improve daily. Not only do I want to show my children success I want to show them hard work. I also must take care of them and provide them a home life to my standards. I am so proud of my oldest child because he has saw my progress and has seen hard work and works hard himself. Life is full of peaks and valleys. The best times are usually during the climb. Think about the peek the moment that you remember the most is when you arrived. The moment you reached that point. After that, things tend to become a blur until you get all the way close to the bottom of the mountain. Now you remember the pain, because you realized you are almost at rock bottom and you have to climb that mountain again. However, remember this the best times are during the climb. Every time you reach another ledge, it’s only a quick moment to re-energize and start again.

My purpose is why I chose the jobs or services that make my money. I have learned that I gain satisfaction from helping people. Being able to give people a boost into their future. I love accounting and I have assisted many business owners in setting up their businesses. Since I enjoy and love seeing successful businesses started from my advice, so I wrote a book. What fulfills you? I also have a business with children because I love teaching and helping students gain an understanding of school work. What makes you truly happy? What would you do even if you didn’t get paid for it? Pursue it!

Just not that into Summer??

Brooke's Thoughts

During my morning walk, I have realized that I’m just not that into Summer. Why is that? Its supposed to be fun in the sun. Beach time, pool time and best of all family time. Well in 1997 I was going to tenth grade and people started being killed every summer multiple deaths. Whether they were murders or accidents, each and every summer. The first one they found 3 blocks from my house, in the supposed nice neighborhood. A few years after my family returned from a vacation, my dad didn’t come on, to find that he moved out while we were gone. I started to associate summer with loss and tragedy. Summer accidents and murders still continue in my home town each year to this day.

I started to travel after graduating high school, however it was only a temporary escape from a very vivid reality. I continued to travel with my children and when my oldest turned six he started leaving me during the summer. The break is awesome but that unconditional love can not be replaced. My babies  are missed terribly in the summer and summer time fun brings a loss into my life. These are the days when I miss Jersey. I miss not being around my friends and family just to sit and look in each others face. Most summers I miss Jersey, I miss going to the shore every Sunday. I miss going to walk on the boardwalk. I miss my kids most of all. We all make changes to improve our lives, but there is always loss in those changes. It seems like we endure them, however we don’t always.

Bullying

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         Have you ever been bullied or were you the bully? I have. This topic is something I have probably never spoke about. Through elementary school there was a particular girl who was in quite a few classes with me over the years who bullied me. I entered this school in 2nd grade. I was placed in 2nd grade instead of 1st grade, so I was the youngest. In 3rd grade year we ended up in the same class. Her main purpose was to make sure that nobody liked me. That’s how I felt anyway. I can’t even tell you why she didn’t like me. I still don’t know to this day. Funny thing, I’m living 10 hours away from my hometown and she lives in the same town as me now. I remember one year, 4th grade if I’m not mistaken, she had a birthday party and purposely invited every single girl except for me. I think these girls even called me during the sleep over, prank calls to my house phone. In 5th and 6th grade we weren’t in the same class, but she always continued to do things and try to rally her troops against me. She even tried to get my best friend to turn on me. Anyone who spoke to me she befriended with the intentions of ruining our friendship. We graduated elementary school and went to middle school and of course the bullying continued. In 7th grade one day I had to stay late after school. When I left to walk home there were about 15- 30 pp outside of the school waiting to beat me up. I still don’t know why. Honestly, I was scared and hadn’t been in too many fights. I was able though to call her bluff and talk my way out of the situation. I told all the bystanders that I didn’t have any issues with them. The issue was with her and if she wanted to fight me then let’s fight fair. Long story short I called her bluff. At 12 in a new school while everyone else was 13, I continue to be bullied. All my friends were not there, because I had to stay late after school. After that situation she slowed down but kept her shit up through 12 grade.

You don’t want to socialize, all of these places that should be fun are places of attack.

          I know the feeling all too well that children experience while being bullied. You don’t want to go to school, you don’t want to go to the special events at school. You don’t want to socialize, all of these places that should be fun are places of attack. They are the places that the kids will ridicule you and pick with you and call you ugly etc. This young lady that is in the news now, killed herself after months of bullying her parents were aware of. When did it start? How long did it truly go on? With social media, bullying is way worse, with Trump as president bullying is at an all time high. I really believe social media may be why he was even able to get into office. He is a bully and he empowers all the bullies in the country and around the world. NO child should kill themselves ever, especially from being bullied. This is on us as a community. It takes a village to raise a child or is that just an old fable.

          As parents and adults I want to challenge you to look at your habits. Be mindful of the things you laugh at. So many people are bullied through technology because of their shortcomings. Who are you to judge? Are you truly perfect? None of us are. Even media and radio outlets need to be mindful of the things they are reporting. I heard a young lady say on the radio this morning that social media has made us insensitive, but she then continued to report a fighting situation in Florida where people recorded instead of helped, smh. She is insensitive as well. That incident shouldn’t even be addressed. The more we bring attention to these things, they will never stop occurring. If you see something say something, not to the authorities to the culprit. Cut the tree at the roots. If you see a child begin to bully or clown someone else on social media, address it immediately before it gains more attention. We as a community have to make an initiative to love on one another more. Just because I don’t know you doesn’t mean I can’t have love for you or wish the best for you. Competition is none. When we lift each other up the results are huge. Everyone is successful instead of only one. Guess what success is lonely, being rich is lonely, why place yourself in a position where you only have money to love. The ideal should be love and stability.

Even harmless jokes aren’t totally harmless.

          As we enter into this school year, let’s have the bullying conversation with our children. Let’s check our own habits and make sure we are not showing them its okay. Don’t say anything about the person that just walked past you, don’t judge the person who has no decent clothes to wear. Don’t be so critical of others, your children watch your every move and you would be surprised of the things they learn from you. In order for bullying to stop it must be addressed in our homes. Even harmless jokes aren’t totally harmless. Let’s put a stop to bullying and save our children and our communities.

Masochist

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I’m no Martyr just a masochist that loves hard, loves to be hurt by people, loves to deny myself pleasure, only straights of pain. The pain is pleasure, maybe that is all I think I deserve is pain. Sweet, lustful, break my heart into pieces pain, treat me like crap pain, walk over me like I’m nothing pain. Maybe there is pleasure in that pain. Why is that pain pleasure? Maybe it’s all I know. When your roots are made up of pain disguised as love maybe we start to think that all pain is made this way. The love we look for is some how in that box that is covered in thorns. Hands bleeding still trying to open the box that has the magical love in it. No matter what sacrifice we continue to try to find a way to open it. Hands cut up on not only on the outside but the heart is bleeds inside too. Wounds being infected by the germs in the open air. Not even feeling the pain just because we want to open this box so bad. What is love? Its never ending, it’s loving even when it’s not returned. Its masochistic, it’s loving even while you’re bleeding. It’s loving even while the knife continuously stab your back. Maybe we lovers are no martyrs maybe we are in fact masochist. One who takes pleasure in pain.

Everything Happens for a Reason

Brooke's Thoughts

                    I’m a true believer of everything happens for a reason. So there is a reason why I opened myself up to dating this year, to only waste my time. There is a reason why I’m stuck in the house this weekend. There is a reason every time we get overlooked for a job, there is a reason every time we don’t pass a test, there is a reason for every heart break and fall. There is a reason for every loss.

                     Every time we lose something or are faced with an attention getting challenge, we are forced to reevaluate. This month we are redefining in July. What is it that you are redefining? I thought I was redefining my focus, however after sitting over the last few days with nowhere or no way to go anywhere. My redefining of my focus is way larger than I originally understood. I had to place some things into action. I had to fully forgive some people. I had to see the bigger picture in current situations. I had to see that where one door closed, many others opened. I needed to initiate things that I had been placing to the way side because of fear of failure. Never mind being busy chasing a check. Everything is not about money and I am fully aware of it. I even exercise this in my life and teach my children there are many things that money can’t buy, but are way more important. However, money makes the world go round. Very often, we are pulled to what has to be done to have money to provide for our families and loved ones.

                       I have felt like I have been being directed for months to rest. However, I really don’t know what that means. My rest usually consist of doing things for others instead of myself. I still run around, do favors for people, and I never deny business. My rest is networking, finding more clients, while having a drink. I know that’s not rest. Even when I’m on vacation I’m having business meetings and still checking emails, etc. I just got into an argument this morning about an upcoming vacation and how I have made so many business plans for the trip.

                      My 3 days of rest were not desired and I definitely didn’t want to be stuck in my house. This time during my rest, I did something for me. I completed things that I have wanted to do or start.  I reevaluated relationships, personal and business. I analyzed my growth plans for each business. I made a lot of progress at home. I rested! I actually rested! I pampered myself, thanks to the friend that reiterated this to me a few times. I deep cleaned my house, the boys are going to flip, their room is Air BnB ready, lol.  I put new ideas into action. I meditated, I sat and just planned and analyzed. I worked out twice a day. I even realized my event on Friday happened 3 years ago on the same exact day. I just wasn’t grounded this long. Although, this realization made me realize there is triumph on the other side. Also, to take a rest and just let things be the way they are.

When do you truly rest? How do you truly refocus? Are you refocusing properly? Are you refocusing on the thing that is going to propel you in the right direction?  I am now.

Hope this helps someone today!

Losses

Brooke's Thoughts, Matters of the Heart, Rough Times, , ,

Have you ever lost something and wasn’t sure how you were going to make out without it?

A little over a year ago. I moved from a 3 bd house to a 2 bd apt. Some friends helped me moved and I couldn’t have been more grateful. Being I had ALOT of things, we ended up putting a few things elsewhere, temporarily, until I was able to unpack and make room. Well I quickly realized there was a very important box in these things. All of my memories, all of my photo albums, yearbooks, my kids baby books, my parents wedding book, achievement books for me and my children, my degrees, etc. There were other things stored like games, toys and furniture, but this box was the one I was looking for in particular. Long story short, everything was lost. I was so distraught from losing these precious memories and things, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t even contain my emotions of anger and disappointment. I had literally lost over 30 something years of memories. I wished at that moment some of the stuff stayed at my moms. However, at that point there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I was distraught. In my sorrow I had to find a way to live without it. I started, by having a mental burial for the stuff, I started to imagine, it was lost in a fire, although that was not the case. I had to make up in my mind that these things are gone and they are never coming back. It was difficult and still till this day, I sometimes start to search for something around my home and realize it was lost in “the fire”. This keeps my mind from shifting to the why and cause of why it’s gone. The cause of why it’s gone, was out of my control and I can not change a thing about it.

Mental strength comes when you stretch your mind, Physical strength comes when you stretch your muscles, Spiritual strength comes when you stretch your faith.

Sometimes relationships with people need to be dealt with in the same manner. I’ve heard people freak out or feel uncomfortable when someone explains they had a mental burial for another person. Why is that? This is an action that removes this person from your mind. Which is in fact healing. You can also forgive, however, I think more of us have a bigger challenges with that. I didn’t remove the responsible party from my life, I forgave them, however the subject is still touchy and I don’t want to talk about it. See there was strength created in forgiving. There is strength in continuing that friendship and not cutting that person off. I realized as of lately. I crave being stronger, I crave these challenges that make me lose myself in forgiveness. Every time I’m in the situation I sulk, as most of us do, it’s a part of healing. I ask why am I here again. However, I come out stronger each time. Sometimes that strength comes with bruises, but what strength comes without bruises. Mental strength comes when you stretch your mind, Physical strength comes when you stretch your muscles, Spiritual strength comes when you stretch your faith. So emotional strength comes when you stretch your empathy, when you’re able to unconditionally forgive.  Bruises heal, even broken bones and hearts heal too. Battle wounds may hurt when they strike however they are awesome when they heal!

The battle you are going thru is not the end. You will not break and whatever you do break will heal. The healing will create endurance, perseverance, and an even stronger resilience for anything coming your way. Fight the good fight. Either bury or forgive and keep it moving. Your time is money and spending too much time pursuing, worrying, or sulking is a loss to you not those who affected you.

Say this with me: You’re forgiven, it’s forgotten and I’m moving on!

Miscarriage

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Have you or a loved one experienced a miscarriage? This is one of the most disheartening events I have ever experienced. I had a miscarriage Halloween 2009.  My body pushed the baby out. When I realized the extreme pains was my body miscarrying, it was too late there was nothing I could do.  I miscarried at 4 months. I had made it to my second trimester, it was totally unexpected. I thought I had made it over the hump, boy was I wrong. I was taking my son trick or treating and had to leave him with my neighbors in a rush. Per doctors, most miscarriages are random and causes are not pinpointed. A miscarriage is not only a loss of your baby. It tends to bring doubt about the ability to even carry a child. I felt as if I would never be able to have another full term pregnancy again. I questioned myself as to what I had done wrong. Even my doctor tried to assure me it wasn’t my fault. However, I still thought that it was my fault, I had failed at giving the best to my unborn child.  Not only did depression kick in at thought of loosing my child, the fear of never being able to give birth again was a much bigger burden. Most women feel obligated to be able to have children and if they can’t it is depressing. They tend to doubt themselves. I felt as if my body had failed me and I may have no longer been equipped to have another child.

I think about my child every Halloween. Was it a boy or girl? Who would they look like? What would their personality be like? Miscarriage tends to be an unspoken subject. As many women feel incompetent. I can count on one hand, how many people knew about this event. They weren’t the closest people to me either. They were the ones that would listen and keep the secret. We deal with things internally and not externally. Sometimes we need to talk it out with someone that cares and that can encourage us to keep on. If you had a miscarriage or someone you know has had one, I want to encourage you or them today. That miscarriage is not the end of your story and you will have many more blessings in life. You will have another chance to give life or raise a child.  Remember it takes a village to raise a child and with or without child you are an important part of your village.

Imani

Brooke's Thoughts, ,

Imani means Faith!

Her name in numerology equals 1. These people usually possess leadership qualities and determination.

From my personal studies in numerology 1’s approach things as if they are brand new. They are more willing to try something new and prod and research. They push to the top!

According to Urban dictionary

“Imani is that one girl who is willing talk to anyone. Her energy is unmatched and sometimes she doesn’t know when to shut up. She laughs at everything and her smile can cheer others up. An Imani is a flirt, Her lively personality and sensual gestures are attractive to others. She may not be the smartest and logic can be somewhat flawed, but she can attract others with her words and surprising wisdom.”

Imani is the name a very important angel in my life. This young lady that I have seen mature into a wonderful woman of God, is a fearless, caring, loving, thru being obedient to her purpose. She shines her light wherever she goes. She is encouraging and provides such soft direct messages from God. I can’t begin to tell you the amount of times she called me in the middle of that ugly cry. She didn’t know. Her conversation was exactly what I needed to hear at the time. Every time I receive text, email, missed call; I know God tells me keep the faith. So I looked up her name to figure out the meaning. Bingo! Her name means faith! This relationship is purposeful and it was my first time visiting Charlotte that I met her. Even though I’m in Charlotte and she’s in Phoenix. Over the year’s Imani has strengthened my faith by her compassion to serve Christ. She is compassionate in her walk and slays the Faith of a godly woman daily . I thank God for guiding my unplanned path as through his walk I’m stronger and I’m free.

I want to encourage you today to look at your relationships. Cherish your relationships, even those that may be temporary for they are all deep in meaning and will have some sort of future effect on your life. This relationship means so much to me because it was developed during a time of change a lot of change. When I met Imani, if you asked me where I would be in seven years. It would not be here, doing what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. That is the beautiful thing about faith. We learn to trust the process and the direction that it is leading us because it isn’t necessarily what we thought we had planned. Walking in faith and not by sight, is a daily challenge, however thank those that are in your surroundings that make this task a little easier everyday. These relationships are purposeful and were established for the blessing it has been to your life. Every relationship has a purpose. This is one I cherish dearly!

What is strong woman?

Brooke's Thoughts

If we are not talking about physical strength of any sort, strength is a perception. A perception that she never breaks. A perception that she never needs anyone. A perception that she has no feelings. A perception that she doesn’t love hard. A perception that she is not meek and humble. You know who supports these strong woman when they need it there strong girl friends and family, if they have any.

I believe every woman and every household needs a counterpart. This counterpart creates balance this helps the adult of the house have someone they can discuss everything with in detail, because they are not holding the weight on their own. This counterpart can make sure you come home at night after working a long shift and got home to the kids safely. Do you know how important that is? Just a phone call to make sure you got home after working late, because I wouldn’t want your kids looking for their mother. A strong woman is patient, kind, willing to learn, willing to teach, not demeaning, respectful. Her ability not to cry in public, doesn’t make her strong, it may really makes her weak.

Please stop complimenting a woman’s strength or what she does with her children on a regular basis. These are called standards.To let us know you recognize it, is excellent, however this that we do is a standard we have created in our lives. It takes a little more effort to consistently reach that standard. Guys have you ever thought maybe this woman just needs help, or support, that’s it. Someone to make a plan with them, someone to make sure the plan is executed properly. Someone to call and say I just want to make sure you made it home. This is what most strong, independent women are looking for. Support, love, respect along with someone they can respect as well.  Now some will straight up tell you they are looking for money. Listen to what everyone tells you. Words are windows to the heart. Most women and I’m not speaking for all are doing what has to be done because there is no choice in the matter. If we let the floor fall below us, who do we go to, where do we take our children, who do we depend on. Nobody, no one, no where.  The answer for most of us is no where the streets, so we make a mature decision every morning to make sure we provide for our families come hell or high water. We don’t complain in the midst, because it just slows us down. We remain positive because it makes the days and the work go by faster. We rather be joyous in our efforts than sorrowful in our doubt. So are we really strong or is our back just up against the wall with nowhere to go.

What is your definition of a strong woman? Recognize the strong woman you admire in the comments!