All posts by Services by Brooke

Washed Up

Brooke's Thoughts, Matters of the Heart, Rough Times, , , , , , , , , ,

“Washed up, left for dead, dissed and forgotten, they hoped that I’d be gone, stiff and rotten”, Nas said in Ether. So many people feel this way, men, and women, about past relationships, and the times they have put their hearts on the line.

I’ve placed my heart in the hands of men that didn’t have any good intentions, I’ve planned weddings with people that still had someone on the side, I’ve taken care of people when they couldn’t take care of themselves, while I could barely take care of myself. I’ve been a victim of physical abuse, I’ve been verbally abused. I’ve fought through mental abuse, I’ve been constantly torn down instead of loved. I’ve been his fool, I’ve been used, I’ve been deceived. I’ve even been patient while waiting for him to get it ‘together’. I’m sure many of you have conquered these things with me.

These things are not a mark of dishonor, they are actually a mark of an overcomer. You have overcome despite, being used, taken advantage of, unloved, fooled, the constant challenges, the constant heartbreak, the depression, and strife. These things have made you stronger, not weaker. Don’t be ashamed of the things that you have overcome. For you have gotten over the hurdle. You made it even though. You completed the challenge and continued moving forward. Your heart was broken and you tried again. This time is no different from any other time. You’ve learned a lesson, you’ve gained wisdom and knowledge. You may not be able to see it now, but this made you smarter, it made your actions more precise. We can make it thru this. Your failures are not what defines you, your actions after it is what develops character, strength, and perseverance. That’s what I admire. The perseverance that no matter what, I’m going to get up and try again.

Did you know that horseshoe crabs shed their shells? The process is called molting, this is how they grow. Sometimes, we may feel like we are that shell, hard on the outside and don’t want to let anyone in.  The shell that has washed up on the beach and has been left behind. When in reality we have shed our shell. We’ve taken another layer off, to expand our knowledge, our reach, our minds. We had to shed to grow. We had to go thru the lost to learn this lesson and experience this growth.

Do you know someone is looking up to you? Everytime you get up, someone else decides to get up too, because you tried again. You gave them the strength to do the same. There are many people that didn’t have much it easy growing up, yet they are relentless in their pursuit of success. It’s because they saw their parents/guardians get up and make the most out of every day, regardless of the outcome. It never stopped them.

Don’t let it stop you!

Dating vs Courting

Brooke's Thoughts, Matters of the Heart, , , , , ,

My plan was not to make this blog about dating or being single necessarily, but to discuss hurdles we all may have to conquer eventually. As a single woman in my mid-30s, this topic comes up often. I’ve heard many women ask how to tell whether you’re courting as opposed to dating. Many women who are practicing celibacy state they would like to court not date. I decided I wanted to discuss this to see what your opinions are and if people, in general, have the same opinion.

So I asked FB, lol. If you’re not googling it these days, you ask facebook. I actually received some great feedback. Some of it was expected, some unexpected. My favorite comment so far stated at the end of it that, “dating can become courting and courting can never become dating.” This struck a chord with me as this demonstrated the seriousness and the commitment of courting. This also made very clear that in courting, if you’re not moving towards the goal of a serious relationship or marriage, you’re not even interacting. To me, this speaks volumes and shows courting as very intentional in the growth of the relationship. Most of the feedback said the difference is that when courting, your focus is on the future and on that special person rather than dating which is spending time with anyone available.  I agree with all of the feedback I received.

I can definitely agree courting it is totally different from dating and may be something you may not be familiar with until it occurs. I’m honestly not familiar with it myself. I believe that the conversation is different, the reactions to one another are different yet intentional. You care about the other party’s feelings and opinion. You speak about finances in depth. You speak about health in depth. You speak about families in depth. Discussion of pet peeves and desires, not expectations so much, because you are both in a position where you want to set the expectations together. This is what I believe courting will entail. I also hope for courting to include the absolute want to understand the other party. The need to feel accomplished until they can fully understand thoughts and maybe even actions.

I don’t believe in dating much, as I truly believe it is a waste of time at my age. I believe that dating should be finished after the first or second date. At this point, you should know whether you truly have an interest in this person or not. It may be able to go on a little longer to turn into courting, however, I don’t think it takes that much time to truly gauge seriousness.

How do you know if you’re dating or courting? I still don’t know, however, I’m trying to learn. How can you recognize the difference? Let’s learn to recognize the differences together.

Please leave your thoughts below as this is only the beginning of this topic. Let’s list out the characteristics of courting so that my ladies looking for this will know what to expect.

 

Be Who You Are…

Brooke's Thoughts, Matters of the Heart, , , ,

This week I came to terms with a relationship that did not need to be. I confirmed something that I suspected all along, but I would not follow my gut. It only took a few months in this relationship for me to realize that things weren’t right. However, I still carried on to give this person the benefit of the doubt. Of course, as most men do every time I tried to cut ties, he all of the sudden found a way to reel me in.

As I reflect on this situation to learn the lessons that I needed to learn I found several things. First, I have to stop waiting to see what I already suspect. When we suspect something it disturbs your peace. No relationship should disturb your peace. If anything, it should bring you more peace of mind and self- confidence. Second, I realized that you don’t have to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Do you give your platonic friends the benefit of the doubt? Not as much as those we give in a romantic relationship. Why is that? It’s because we desire companionship. However, companionship is not made of confusion. The third thing I learned is you must be who you are. I realized that in my pursuit to find a companion I have watered myself down. I have softened up, I have become nicer (putting some of my standards aside). I call myself spreading agape love, which we should give to everyone, however, our personal emotions we still must protect. I found myself trying to love someone into loving me. None of this works, ladies, stay strong, stay independent, stay busy. Keep your standards, stick to your guns, and the person you are supposed to be with, will not think you are too much. I must be me at all times. You don’t have to change for the one that is yours. For there will be no hurdles or walls high enough to block what is supposed to be. Many women of our status feel that there is a shortage of men that can handle us, when in fact there are not. We are just giving the wrong ones the benefit of the doubt.

I promised myself, I wouldn’t do a new year, new me, and not going to make this blog that. However, it’s a new year and you need to be who you are. Don’t curve, or bend, who you are to fit someone else’s ego. You only end up with the short end of the stick. Be confident, you are beautiful, you are strong, you are smart, you are desired. You are attractive! Vet your relationships the same way you vet your friendships and don’t take any shorts. You don’t have to. Ladies, you are wonderful! Be Who You Are! Your blessing comes without your mask.

Happy New Year

Brooke's Thoughts

What does this mean? Many of us wish each other a Happy New Year on January 1st every year. We build this awesome momentum to start the year on the “good” foot. Gym membership is at its highest every year. Savings clubs are booming and folks are eating the healthiest after finishing the year eating the worst. Is this a cycle you want to be apart of? Or do you want to make your change permanent? I recently saw this post on Instagram. I want to challenge all of my readers to stick to it just 90 days, make a lifestyle change.

21-90 rule

In 2018 I’m committing to writing more, I plan to publish blogs 3 times a week Mon, Wed, and Friday. On Saturdays, I will be looking for your feedback, I need you all to talk to me too! It keeps my energy up. How do you keep yourself energetic towards your goal? This is one of the questions I want you to answer over the next 90 days of creating your lifestyle change. I will also start my second book, this one will be more of my personal story, I plan to include how I overcome challenges on a daily basis and stories of how I pushed forward despite any circumstances. One of my routines, is I write in the mornings to clear my mind and start my day with a positive mindset. I’m committing myself to writing every morning whether I feel like it or not. Some people workout in the morning, some meditate, some pray. I challenge you to find what suits you, however, make it a lifestyle change, and start today. Also commit to this routine for 90 days so it becomes a part of you, something that you can’t do without every morning. Cheers to positive and progressive days ahead! I also commit to reaching out to my readers, I want to hear from you, I want to know your challenges, I want to answer your questions. I want to help you as much as you help me. Yes, you help me, you really do! I’m committed to giving you content that helps you, challenges you, and pushes you to higher heights.  I want to know how can I help you. You matter to me!

Last but not least you accomplished a lot last year and you must celebrate your achievements. Whether it was starting a new venture or starting school, or starting towards the path of homeownership or fixing your credit, or adding an extra income. You did it, you started towards something amazing. Let’s look forward to continuing working towards that thing you started and completing it.  I finished my first full year of my transportation business being open, I learned a lot and have new knowledge to apply to the continuation of that business. I completed my first year of completely working for myself, without a regular 9-5, I started this venture in Aug 2016, by no means has it been a walk in the park, however, I did it and I have so many more steps to take. I finally published my book, “Level-Up, The Guide” and started enrollment for the Level- Up Academy, I plan to help 20 business owners start their businesses this year. Many of my achievements were just the start in 2017 and I have much more to do in 2018 and beyond.

Let’s make these lifestyle changes in 2018 together and let’s commit to 90 days to reach the 365 days of new routines, new commitments, new successes and new goals.

You’re Enough!

Brooke's Thoughts, Matters of the Heart, , , , , ,

There are times that many of us hibernate to get thru difficult times. Some say this is not healthy and some may say its ok. Depression is not healthy and hiding in a funk is not alright. However, putting our head down and focusing on the future and nothing else, is not bad. There are situations in life that are going to need your undivided attention. During this time there may not be energy to focus on anything else. Especially when this task may have multiple strains that need to be fixed to get to where you would like to be.

I haven’t written in a while because I  have felt the most unqualified and inadequate I have ever felt in my life. I want to encourage and help others, however, how do you help one when you can’t help yourself. I have angels on my side that have been strategically placed in my life to help thru these times. I’m extremely grateful for each one of them. From them and these situations, I have learned, humility, patience, strength, perseverance, gratefulness, etc.  You must make the most out of each day and what you have. When you work daily towards progress, you tend to constantly feel like its never enough. However, what you have today is enough! I have taught my sons through these times that home is where we three are together. No matter where we may be.  I’m thankful for those that have been supportive, those that have been encouraging, those that have been genuine, those that have been thoughtful. We must even be thankful for those that have been demeaning, sneaky,  disingenuine, etc. Even those that may have turned there back or not been the support you may have thought they would be are to be thanked. For they made you and I push harder and work more consistently.

In these times we gain resilience, we gain ethic, we gain a perspective that broadens your view. For this, we are to be thankful. As this year ends and the challenges continue, I want to challenge you to practice jumping those hurdles that are present and are to come. You have made it this far and will continue to progress. Celebrate your many successes that you have had this year despite the issues.  You are not in the same place as you were last year at this time. That is more than enough to celebrate! Take this time take this season to celebrate you! Your life, your achievements, big or small, your triumphs, and the successes to come!

Time for New Year

Brooke's Thoughts

This time of year call for many things resolutions, new goals, new strategies, new budgets, etc. This time of year also calls for time to spend around the most important people in your life.

I like to take this time of year to reevaluate the year, relationships, partnerships etc. This is the time to define what this relationship may or may not be based on the evidence of the past year. Has that person been there for you? Especially when there was no cost involved other than time? Did this person have your back physically, emotionally? Is this partner 50/ 50 or 20/80? and are you ok with that? Reevaluation and redefinition starts with the morals that you put in place. Your ground floor standards. The way you treat people and the way you want them to treat you. It’s great to be a giver and be the person that spreads love, however, you must define if this person is the person you are expecting to do the same for you. What does that look like for you? Or are you ok with the one-sided relationship?

I am challenging you all to define your personal and business relationships. Review your investment and your benefits. Sometimes we need to remember that time is money and if this relationship serves no purpose, then you may need to reduce the time spent on it or even eliminate it overall.

How are you going to start 2018?

Down in the valley

Brooke's Thoughts, Rough Times, , , ,

There is clarity, there is strength, there is strife, down in the dungeon.

There is beauty, there is hope, there is misery, down in the gully.

There are tears, there is fear, there is joy, down in the valley.

Down in the dungeon, There is clarity, for those who couldn’t see straight. There is strength for those who thought they were weak. There is strife, for those who strive to fix the problem, down in the dungeon.

There is beauty, for those who have internal and external scars.  There is hope for the hopeless. There is misery for those who plan to conquer it.

There are tears for those who will cry many through their transition. There is fear that things will not work out right. There is joy when you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel knowing the time has come and you have made it thru. Your storm is now over!

Failed!

Brooke's Thoughts

I pulled out the raft,there was a whole in it, so it deflated.

I have felt like the biggest failure lately. I continue to try to strive as things continue to crash down around me. I saw the storm slowly approaching my family and I started to plan. In my efforts of going into survival mode, I did what any person who wants to whether the storm would do and that was prepare. So we began to gather things, that we may need during this difficult time. I pulled out the raft,there was a whole in it, so it deflated. I collected water in bags and tubs, and purchased water for the rough times. We were ready! However, all of the water spilled out. I created and purchased sandbags so the water wouldn’t rush my home. Unfortunately when the storm came, the rain washed the sand bags away and the flood waters began to come in. We collected food to eat for the times we would be without the usual. Not only did the food spoil and a swarm of bugs ate the food that wouldn’t spoil. With storms beating down on our home and flood waters rising we found shelter in the corner of our home. With a huge strike of lightning, the walls began to shake and eventually began to come down. We were left with us, and only us. Our family, me and my boys. We survived, even though our assets and possessions were all gone.

We walked in the rain as we looked for help and direction. We prayed as we looked for shelter. Some came to help and left us in worse conditions than when we begun. Some watched from a distance and knew that the storm would soon be over. Many ran and closed their doors and made the fight a little harder. I understood each hurdle, I understood each trial that was added on top of the ones we already faced. I understood each circumstance and knew there was a much bigger picture to see. However, trying to explain circumstances to a rambunctious six year old, was much more difficult than the trial itself. Explaining each and every transition, answering each question became more of a difficult task. While flood waters took over our home and all things we knew disappeared. I had to also answer the questions of why. As we were continuously turned down and overlooked for each opportunity sought, faith dwindled. I’ve wanted to ask myself, why, but I really don’t have the time to do so. I had to make the best of each itty bitty victory and press on. I had to celebrate each time we saw a little more faith.

What is your next plan if the first one fails?

I taught my boys to do the same. I taught them that with each small victory we were leading to a much larger one. Have you ever weathered the storm? What did you do to overcome it? Have you told your story of trial and triumph? We are in the season of weathering storms as Hurricane season is upon us and is generally over by mid October. How do you get thru? How have you planned to get thru? What are you actions for the aftermath? We have only a limited time to weather storm, in which we will succeed!  What is your plan? What is your next plan if the first one fails? My plan at this point is to continue to pray and ask for guidance, because many of my plans lately have failed. I can only place it all in the creator’s hands.

In the Pursuit of Happiness….

Brooke's Thoughts

I recently had the pleasure of reading an article in reference to online minister’s vs indoctrinated pastors. I also visited a church this morning and the message was “Where do you stand?” This is resonating with me because it questions your foundation and principles in both messages. Not only does it shine a light on your why but your purpose as well.

My why is my immediate family, my children and my mom, although she is not in my household. They are why I work as hard a I do. They are why I start to work from 3am to 6pm. Sometimes later. They are why I work nights and weekends. They are why I am in a relentless pursuit to improve daily. Not only do I want to show my children success I want to show them hard work. I also must take care of them and provide them a home life to my standards. I am so proud of my oldest child because he has saw my progress and has seen hard work and works hard himself. Life is full of peaks and valleys. The best times are usually during the climb. Think about the peek the moment that you remember the most is when you arrived. The moment you reached that point. After that, things tend to become a blur until you get all the way close to the bottom of the mountain. Now you remember the pain, because you realized you are almost at rock bottom and you have to climb that mountain again. However, remember this the best times are during the climb. Every time you reach another ledge, it’s only a quick moment to re-energize and start again.

My purpose is why I chose the jobs or services that make my money. I have learned that I gain satisfaction from helping people. Being able to give people a boost into their future. I love accounting and I have assisted many business owners in setting up their businesses. Since I enjoy and love seeing successful businesses started from my advice, so I wrote a book. What fulfills you? I also have a business with children because I love teaching and helping students gain an understanding of school work. What makes you truly happy? What would you do even if you didn’t get paid for it? Pursue it!

Just not that into Summer??

Brooke's Thoughts

During my morning walk, I have realized that I’m just not that into Summer. Why is that? Its supposed to be fun in the sun. Beach time, pool time and best of all family time. Well in 1997 I was going to tenth grade and people started being killed every summer multiple deaths. Whether they were murders or accidents, each and every summer. The first one they found 3 blocks from my house, in the supposed nice neighborhood. A few years after my family returned from a vacation, my dad didn’t come on, to find that he moved out while we were gone. I started to associate summer with loss and tragedy. Summer accidents and murders still continue in my home town each year to this day.

I started to travel after graduating high school, however it was only a temporary escape from a very vivid reality. I continued to travel with my children and when my oldest turned six he started leaving me during the summer. The break is awesome but that unconditional love can not be replaced. My babies  are missed terribly in the summer and summer time fun brings a loss into my life. These are the days when I miss Jersey. I miss not being around my friends and family just to sit and look in each others face. Most summers I miss Jersey, I miss going to the shore every Sunday. I miss going to walk on the boardwalk. I miss my kids most of all. We all make changes to improve our lives, but there is always loss in those changes. It seems like we endure them, however we don’t always.