Tag Archives: Pain

God’s Angels        

Matters of the Heart, Rough Times, , , , , , , , , , ,

Saturday January 3rd 2026           

I’ve been realizing slowly but surely that God has really sent rock stars to me over the years. I have a few wise men that I’m forever grateful. A gentleman,my senior, that sends me positive messages every morning. We used to work together, like almost 5 -6 years ago. Those messages really hit home and really encourage me on some days when I’m feeling down. I have another gentleman, my senior, that sends me scriptures and devotionals everyday. I grew up with his children. His messages help me everyday. I have a wiser young woman, my senior, that sends me messages daily and she truly provides a breath of fresh air. All of these messages inspire me and encourage me especially in my dark hours. We are trained to think that messages of positivity and such should come from our family. Parents siblings cousins,etc. Not necessarily true. God works thru all types of people that you run into on the streets, in stores, work, etc.  I’ve always been the keeper, my whole life.  Always the person that keeps the family steady, the person that put things on their shoulders. I’ve never had the opportunity to be at ease. And as I grow, I learn and I analyze myself, I’m realizing these things. These angels encourage me daily. Sometimes I do wish it was from more familiar faces,  but it’s not and that’s okay. God really sends people. In North Carolina I finally noticed he has sent people to me my whole life to be encouraging spirits or encouraging people in different ways and through hard times. So I say this to say, that your encouragement might not be coming from the people or the places that you look for them to come from. However, appreciate where they do come from because you are the assignment of those people. Be grateful that you have been assigned.

Real Tears

Rough Times, , , , ,

December 30, 2025                           

  If I focus on all that was wrong right now what I have went thru. I would really be in tears and possibly a mental breakdown. However, God’s pulled me through things like this before so I keep my head high and keep my attitude positive. I try to focus on the things that I can control however, it’s hard. It’s challenging when you have more people around you just to be around, then to actually support you. It’s hard when you have more people depending on you to support them, then even caring to support you. So I start to question things, I start to question the people that are around, I analyze people’s purpose. When you get to this point, where you don’t want to talk anymore. You really don’t want anyone around you because I’m trying to figure out why are you really here. You know, I’ve had so many people tell me what type of friend they are and you can depend on me and things like that but when it really boils down to it I can’t. That hurts. It hurts because I am the friend that you can depend on. I am the person who cares about everybody else. I see my kids they care about their friends. How do I tell them to care but not too much. Care for yourself and support others but in reason.  Don’t exhaust yourself, maintain your own mental health. How do you do that, how do you show them that without shutting all the way down. There have been so many times I want to shut all the way down. These last couple of months have definitely been one of them. It’s sad cuz I can understand people that do crazy s*** and the reason behind it. Sometimes it is the easier way out. So what do you do, how do you move on. You try to find a way to some sort of peace, some sort of positivity, something to be thankful for. And hope the day goes by well. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Don’t want to Talk

Brooke's Thoughts, Rough Times, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I wouldn’t even know where to begin when we talk about the daily personal challenges. I gotten to the point where I don’t even want to talk about them anymore. Honestly, I try to ignore them. It’s hard though, because apart of me feels like ignoring some of these issues is ignoring my kids. When in reality I try to ignore the pettiness to keep the peace so I can see my kids. When my kids visit me on the weekends I have to split my time so he can see the cousins he wants to hang with or the friends he wants to play with.
I used to desire a little girl, I even wanted to adopt. Now, I don’t want anymore kids. Especially when I feel like I can’t take care of my own. I’ve ran from writing, yet maybe I need to get some of this stuff off of my chest. The burdens are heavy and no matter how much you try to ignore them they are still there.
Progress in pursuit of the goal sounds good, yet the sacrifices that have to be made tend to hurt.

Not A Girly Girl

Brooke's Thoughts, Rough Times, , , , , , , , , , ,

She’s not a girly girl….

Have you ever wondered why she isn’t? Has she always been this way? Did she change? If so why?

So often we make statements about people and don’t value or care what’s in the root of it. We become who we are through experiences. Positive and negative experiences. Some mold us to be more optimistic, some make us closed off, and some give us drive.

I recently told my friend about an incident that happened to me in high school. Beginning of 10 the grade to be exact. About 10 guys tried to rape me. Thank God they were unsuccessful. This incident will effect me for the rest of my life and is part of the reason she’s not a girly girl. What hurt me the most is the same friend’s daughter came to here to tell her about an incident her best friend experienced over the weekend. The guys were successful. There is stuff that happens like this everyday and women are ashamed to talk about it. Many feel they were apart of the reason it happened to them. They weren’t smart, they were too provocative, they shouldn’t have been where they were, etc. It is never your fault ladies no matter what! Parents, teach your son’s this is unacceptable behavior ever. Parents also open the floor for your children to have honest conversation with you. The worst thing you can do is call your kid a liar. They may never want to be open with you again. Please keep in mind every experience molds us especially reactions to us exposing our truths.
No matter what, every experience effects us whether we like it or not. So it’s up to us make the best of it!

Relocation?

Brooke's Thoughts, , , , , ,

The first 3 days, weeks, months, years

I’ve been told that I’m admired for relocating. That friends and family are oh so very proud of me. All while I’m screaming help on the inside. Have you been here?

Oh look at you! You’re doing it! Go girl! The one that may have hurt the worst, “I want to be like you when I grow up.”  Said a childhood friend, I actually hoped it was in jest, but he made it clear he was very serious. Once again all while screaming on the inside, “HELP, I’m drowning here”

This experience of changing my surroundings completely.  Leaving all of my family and moving somewhere I didn’t know anyone, blew my mind. Only one friend and a few of her friends. Wow, I’m still blown away to this day and we haven’t reached the 3-year mark, yet. 

The first 3 days was honestly a blur. What I do remember, my oldest child and I pulled into Charlotte, NC and checked into the extended stay. Not only was it an extended stay it was one of the more ‘urban’ facilities. My son did not want to stay with me and actually refused. Well, he was blessed to have a backup plan in which he did not have to spend 6-8 weeks in the extended stay with mom. The hotel did not have any dishes, so I bought some. There was no way I was going into storage, besides my stuff wasn’t here yet anyway. The first 3 days I can honestly say wasn’t too bad. Other than, a pissy elevator and my friendly neighbors wondering where is she going with a suit on daily.  To be continued…

Hustling or working, the game never changes just the service. I’ve learned to keep pushing no matter what! 

042517

Washed Up

Brooke's Thoughts, Matters of the Heart, Rough Times, , , , , , , , , ,

“Washed up, left for dead, dissed and forgotten, they hoped that I’d be gone, stiff and rotten”, Nas said in Ether. So many people feel this way, men, and women, about past relationships, and the times they have put their hearts on the line.

I’ve placed my heart in the hands of men that didn’t have any good intentions, I’ve planned weddings with people that still had someone on the side, I’ve taken care of people when they couldn’t take care of themselves, while I could barely take care of myself. I’ve been a victim of physical abuse, I’ve been verbally abused. I’ve fought through mental abuse, I’ve been constantly torn down instead of loved. I’ve been his fool, I’ve been used, I’ve been deceived. I’ve even been patient while waiting for him to get it ‘together’. I’m sure many of you have conquered these things with me.

These things are not a mark of dishonor, they are actually a mark of an overcomer. You have overcome despite, being used, taken advantage of, unloved, fooled, the constant challenges, the constant heartbreak, the depression, and strife. These things have made you stronger, not weaker. Don’t be ashamed of the things that you have overcome. For you have gotten over the hurdle. You made it even though. You completed the challenge and continued moving forward. Your heart was broken and you tried again. This time is no different from any other time. You’ve learned a lesson, you’ve gained wisdom and knowledge. You may not be able to see it now, but this made you smarter, it made your actions more precise. We can make it thru this. Your failures are not what defines you, your actions after it is what develops character, strength, and perseverance. That’s what I admire. The perseverance that no matter what, I’m going to get up and try again.

Did you know that horseshoe crabs shed their shells? The process is called molting, this is how they grow. Sometimes, we may feel like we are that shell, hard on the outside and don’t want to let anyone in.  The shell that has washed up on the beach and has been left behind. When in reality we have shed our shell. We’ve taken another layer off, to expand our knowledge, our reach, our minds. We had to shed to grow. We had to go thru the lost to learn this lesson and experience this growth.

Do you know someone is looking up to you? Everytime you get up, someone else decides to get up too, because you tried again. You gave them the strength to do the same. There are many people that didn’t have much it easy growing up, yet they are relentless in their pursuit of success. It’s because they saw their parents/guardians get up and make the most out of every day, regardless of the outcome. It never stopped them.

Don’t let it stop you!

Down in the valley

Brooke's Thoughts, Rough Times, , , ,

There is clarity, there is strength, there is strife, down in the dungeon.

There is beauty, there is hope, there is misery, down in the gully.

There are tears, there is fear, there is joy, down in the valley.

Down in the dungeon, There is clarity, for those who couldn’t see straight. There is strength for those who thought they were weak. There is strife, for those who strive to fix the problem, down in the dungeon.

There is beauty, for those who have internal and external scars.  There is hope for the hopeless. There is misery for those who plan to conquer it.

There are tears for those who will cry many through their transition. There is fear that things will not work out right. There is joy when you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel knowing the time has come and you have made it thru. Your storm is now over!

Masochist

Brooke's Thoughts, Matters of the Heart, , ,

I’m no Martyr just a masochist that loves hard, loves to be hurt by people, loves to deny myself pleasure, only straights of pain. The pain is pleasure, maybe that is all I think I deserve is pain. Sweet, lustful, break my heart into pieces pain, treat me like crap pain, walk over me like I’m nothing pain. Maybe there is pleasure in that pain. Why is that pain pleasure? Maybe it’s all I know. When your roots are made up of pain disguised as love maybe we start to think that all pain is made this way. The love we look for is some how in that box that is covered in thorns. Hands bleeding still trying to open the box that has the magical love in it. No matter what sacrifice we continue to try to find a way to open it. Hands cut up on not only on the outside but the heart is bleeds inside too. Wounds being infected by the germs in the open air. Not even feeling the pain just because we want to open this box so bad. What is love? Its never ending, it’s loving even when it’s not returned. Its masochistic, it’s loving even while you’re bleeding. It’s loving even while the knife continuously stab your back. Maybe we lovers are no martyrs maybe we are in fact masochist. One who takes pleasure in pain.