That’s the one thing I asked. Don’t have me out here looking stupid.
This goes for all relationships. Especially supposed friends and family. I often reevaluate after big changes. So ending my 3 yr relationship has caused an analysis of relationships across the board. Watch those closest to you as they are the ones that are in the best position to hurt you. Create distance from any shady actions and watch from a distance. I wasn’t surprised at what I saw when I paid attention.
Why do we so often protect those that don’t protect us this goes for family as well. I believe in always being the bigger person. Yet the bigger person shouldn’t have to sacrifice or be humiliated on someone else’s behalf. At that point, it’s time to walk away from family, friendships, anyone disloyal.
What is loyalty? a strong feeling of support or allegiance. Why are we loyal to those who are not loyal to you. The fact that they don’t know what loyalty is, is not your problem. Honestly, those are the worst ones. Those that have had very few loyal to them so they are loyal to no one else other than themselves. They are the most toxic and need to be left alone. You are not the sacrifice. God said he would provide the sacrifice, so stop sacrificing yourself.
What is allegiance? loyalty or commitment of an individual to a group or cause.
So with that being said. The breaking of loyalty or allegiance is reason enough for removal. Even the slightest bit of disloyalty can’t be forgiven. I fought so many battles that folks haven’t even heard of because you’re not disrespecting my loved ones to me ever. You can’t come to me in that fashion. How can you kick someone’s back in and beg for forgiveness at the same time? It makes no sense. It’s disloyal. How can you commit the ultimate disrespectful action and still come begging and crying? How? How can you keep secrets that got me out here looking stupid but supposedly you are one of my closest friends and or family? Please don’t walk side by side with me and you are contributing to the problem. We’re not doing that anymore. I rather walk alone than walk with snakes.
Everyone wants a pass. “Please look past my bs”….. HELL NO! So often folks complain about other folks instead of looking inside to figure out why are they allowing all of this to happen. Why haven’t you stepped up instead of blaming someone else? Because it’s easier to accuse than deal with yourself. I’m here to tell you through cutting people off, I also had to deal with myself and step up my standards. I shouldn’t allow people who are unloyal even in my presence. They may have been loyal before but they’re not loyal now, so distance is the fix.
I’m pretty sure I wrote a blog long ago saying time heals all wounds but we have to be open to healing.
So what happens if your not?
Nothing no progress, lack of focus, wasting time, loss of productivity. Is this worth holding a grudge? You slow yourself down worrying about someone or something that is not worried about you.
Heal your own wounds. Like a cat, lick your wounds, heal them. No help, no assistance, just you cleaning yourself up.
Then stand strong again. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people and work on crushing your goals!
Remember keep pushing daily!
I wouldn’t even know where to begin when we talk about the daily personal challenges. I gotten to the point where I don’t even want to talk about them anymore. Honestly, I try to ignore them. It’s hard though, because apart of me feels like ignoring some of these issues is ignoring my kids. When in reality I try to ignore the pettiness to keep the peace so I can see my kids. When my kids visit me on the weekends I have to split my time so he can see the cousins he wants to hang with or the friends he wants to play with.
I used to desire a little girl, I even wanted to adopt. Now, I don’t want anymore kids. Especially when I feel like I can’t take care of my own. I’ve ran from writing, yet maybe I need to get some of this stuff off of my chest. The burdens are heavy and no matter how much you try to ignore them they are still there.
Progress in pursuit of the goal sounds good, yet the sacrifices that have to be made tend to hurt.
She’s not a girly girl….
Have you ever wondered why she isn’t? Has she always been this way? Did she change? If so why?
So often we make statements about people and don’t value or care what’s in the root of it. We become who we are through experiences. Positive and negative experiences. Some mold us to be more optimistic, some make us closed off, and some give us drive.
I recently told my friend about an incident that happened to me in high school. Beginning of 10 the grade to be exact. About 10 guys tried to rape me. Thank God they were unsuccessful. This incident will effect me for the rest of my life and is part of the reason she’s not a girly girl. What hurt me the most is the same friend’s daughter came to here to tell her about an incident her best friend experienced over the weekend. The guys were successful. There is stuff that happens like this everyday and women are ashamed to talk about it. Many feel they were apart of the reason it happened to them. They weren’t smart, they were too provocative, they shouldn’t have been where they were, etc. It is never your fault ladies no matter what! Parents, teach your son’s this is unacceptable behavior ever. Parents also open the floor for your children to have honest conversation with you. The worst thing you can do is call your kid a liar. They may never want to be open with you again. Please keep in mind every experience molds us especially reactions to us exposing our truths.
No matter what, every experience effects us whether we like it or not. So it’s up to us make the best of it!
I just, have not felt like writing. I definitely have things to write about, alot. Honestly, it’s been a fight between what to tell and me figuring out what’s going on in my life. What’s the lesson and which direction am I being pushed.
Life is not only about pushing daily. It’s also about pushing in the right direction. There are times that life will slow us down in order for us to take a moment to become aware of what we have.
So over the past year or so I’ve been reflecting on work in progress, reviewing what needs to be done, and realizing my surroundings. Those around you are around for a reason. Maximize your relationships. You’ll be surprised how much you gain from helping others. I’ll be back to posting regularly soon. Until then reflect, review and realize your reality. And grow from there!
Upon the end of each year, many of us take a look back at the ending year and identify something we would like to change. Now we want to approach the goal we didn’t reach differently or we finally want to stop that bad habit. Or we finally want to start taking care of our health. Most of the goals I have reached or changes I have maintained didn’t start on any Jan 1st. They started when I made a conscious decision enough is enough. Why isn’t this done daily or weekly? Why must we wait for a new routine of messing up to fix it. This past year I went through many challenges or challenges went thru me. Thru those difficulties, I lost my stability, I lost my drive. I didn’t even know who I was looking at in the mirror. When you see things going wrong, change the course. When nothing is falling in place, change your position. When things go wrong look for the underlying blessing. Even in returning to the town I grew up in that I left 12 years ago. I had to find the blessing and purpose in being back home. I now realize I had to be hear I needed to regain my drive and passion. At times we wait until there is nothing left to make the change or the resolution. Don’t wait until Dec 31, 2019, to change what’s not working next year. Give it three strikes and it’s out. New direction, a new path, new strategy. I challenge you all to join me.
Don’t make resolutions, make changes today, next week and the week after until you find what works for you.
Happy New Year!
Wishing you extreme focus, love, and prosperity in 2019!
One step at a time is much easier said than done. Especially when you have responsibilities. You may have other people you need or have to take care of kids, parents, other loved ones, etc. You need to take your time and put things together one step at a time, however, needs never wait. When you need you usually need immediately. You need food to feed your kids, but you have to wait until payday because you paid all the bills. What do you do to fix the hunger now? You need to have somewhere for your children to sleep at night, but that can’t wait until a month after you start work or a couple of months after you clean up your credit. Where do you sleep tonight? That need is now and doesn’t wait for time.
Many try to encourage you not to worry, this is great and much appreciated. However, what homeless person doesn’t worry, what person that has lost everything doesn’t worry. What person that has minimal ways to get back and forth to a job in order to make things better, doesn’t worry. No one!
Rather than telling your friend not to worry. Support their businesses, their skills, their ideas. Send them clients, make referrals, help them put money in their pocket to make progress. Introduce them to someone that may be able to help expand their current efforts. This is what friends do. Offer options, recommend them for positions at your place of business, if you truly believe in them. Talk them up, help them expand their platform by word of mouth. Encourage them by telling someone else about the great things they do to help others. Please, please, please don’t tell your friend not to worry. If you haven’t done any of these things, you’re just as bad as the situation and you’re not making anything better.
Depression is not cured by telling someone to not be depressed. It is fixed by keeping someone from falling into the lul. Keeping their spirits up and there mind busy from worrying. A dormant mind breeds deep thoughts, in which a lot of worry and depression is birthed. Ask your depressed or worried friend to get out of the house with you. Ask them to go on a walk, ask them to go shopping with you. Get them out of routine and there mind out of worry.
The first 3 days, weeks, months, years
I’ve been told that I’m admired for relocating. That friends and family are oh so very proud of me. All while I’m screaming help on the inside. Have you been here?
Oh look at you! You’re doing it! Go girl! The one that may have hurt the worst, “I want to be like you when I grow up.” Said a childhood friend, I actually hoped it was in jest, but he made it clear he was very serious. Once again all while screaming on the inside, “HELP, I’m drowning here”
This experience of changing my surroundings completely. Leaving all of my family and moving somewhere I didn’t know anyone, blew my mind. Only one friend and a few of her friends. Wow, I’m still blown away to this day and we haven’t reached the 3-year mark, yet.
The first 3 days was honestly a blur. What I do remember, my oldest child and I pulled into Charlotte, NC and checked into the extended stay. Not only was it an extended stay it was one of the more ‘urban’ facilities. My son did not want to stay with me and actually refused. Well, he was blessed to have a backup plan in which he did not have to spend 6-8 weeks in the extended stay with mom. The hotel did not have any dishes, so I bought some. There was no way I was going into storage, besides my stuff wasn’t here yet anyway. The first 3 days I can honestly say wasn’t too bad. Other than, a pissy elevator and my friendly neighbors wondering where is she going with a suit on daily. To be continued…
Hustling or working, the game never changes just the service. I’ve learned to keep pushing no matter what!
What is your addiction to social media? Is it a high to see how much attention you can get? Is it a way to ease reality so you don’t have to focus on it? Being an 80’s baby, this epidemic is new and since I didn’t grow up in it, I tend to misunderstand the obsession. I even had to conform to build business traffic. Facebook is the number one way to advertise. Yet, when you scroll your timeline, you generally see four types of people. Attention seekers: people who want to post things that will make you inbox them or comment on their status. People who feel the need to post their whole daily routine. This also includes those that just have to post every single thing they spend money on, like dinners, clothing items, cars, etc.Uplifting folks: some of these folks want to appear holier than thou and some just want to encourage someone else. Comedians: where everything they post is funny, they want a good laugh and want you to have one to. Politicians: that want everyone to know their political and social stance. I try not to look at FB from a mental level, however every post shows me a mentality. A mental space someone may be in. It shows me something else that may be on your mind that you’re avoiding. It’s hard for me to not read between the lines. I see something other than comedy, or attention, or self- righteousness or political correctness. I see a need.
I, for one, am tired of single independent women catching such a bad wrap. She is single, and independent doesn’t mean she is unavailable. Have you taken a moment and asked that independent woman if she needs help? If you haven’t asked or attempted to ask, a woman, that you know that fits into this category, please don’t complain about women being independent. If you have asked this woman and really meant it. You may have discovered that she does need help. She may even be a little needy but not willing to delay herself by waiting for someone to help her. You may find out that in fact, she can’t do it all, she just has the courage to try. You may find that she is not holier than thou, she is actually very transparent and accepting of her faults and mistakes. You may find that if you try to break thru that tough exterior, by being true. This woman is vulnerable, sweet, endearing, kind, loyal, dedicated, and just protecting her heart. I believe all relationship conversations need to start with truthful intentions. Most of the time, each parties intentions are different and someone hasn’t been honest.
Remember honesty is the best policy and it keeps us out of trouble.