Not A Girly Girl

She’s not a girly girl….

Have you ever wondered why she isn’t? Has she always been this way? Did she change? If so why?

So often we make statements about people and don’t value or care what’s in the root of it. We become who we are through experiences. Positive and negative experiences. Some mold us to be more optimistic, some make us closed off, and some give us drive.

I recently told my friend about an incident that happened to me in high school. Beginning of 10 the grade to be exact. About 10 guys tried to rape me. Thank God they were unsuccessful. This incident will effect me for the rest of my life and is part of the reason she’s not a girly girl. What hurt me the most is the same friend’s daughter came to here to tell her about an incident her best friend experienced over the weekend. The guys were successful. There is stuff that happens like this everyday and women are ashamed to talk about it. Many feel they were apart of the reason it happened to them. They weren’t smart, they were too provocative, they shouldn’t have been where they were, etc. It is never your fault ladies no matter what! Parents, teach your son’s this is unacceptable behavior ever. Parents also open the floor for your children to have honest conversation with you. The worst thing you can do is call your kid a liar. They may never want to be open with you again. Please keep in mind every experience molds us especially reactions to us exposing our truths.
No matter what, every experience effects us whether we like it or not. So it’s up to us make the best of it!

Not feeling it

I just, have not felt like writing. I definitely have things to write about, alot. Honestly, it’s been a fight between what to tell and me figuring out what’s going on in my life. What’s the lesson and which direction am I being pushed.
Life is not only about pushing daily. It’s also about pushing in the right direction. There are times that life will slow us down in order for us to take a moment to become aware of what we have.
So over the past year or so I’ve been reflecting on work in progress, reviewing what needs to be done, and realizing my surroundings. Those around you are around for a reason. Maximize your relationships. You’ll be surprised how much you gain from helping others. I’ll be back to posting regularly soon.  Until then reflect, review and realize your reality. And grow from there!

Resolutions, Nah…

Upon the end of each year, many of us take a look back at the ending year and identify something we would like to change. Now we want to approach the goal we didn’t reach differently or we finally want to stop that bad habit. Or we finally want to start taking care of our health. Most of the goals I have reached or changes I have maintained didn’t start on any Jan 1st. They started when I made a conscious decision enough is enough.  Why isn’t this done daily or weekly? Why must we wait for a new routine of messing up to fix it. This past year I went through many challenges or challenges went thru me. Thru those difficulties, I lost my stability, I lost my drive.  I didn’t even know who I was looking at in the mirror.  When you see things going wrong, change the course. When nothing is falling in place, change your position. When things go wrong look for the underlying blessing. Even in returning to the town I grew up in that I left 12 years ago. I had to find the blessing and purpose in being back home. I now realize I had to be hear I needed to regain my drive and passion.  At times we wait until there is nothing left to make the change or the resolution. Don’t wait until Dec 31, 2019, to change what’s not working next year. Give it three strikes and it’s out. New direction, a new path, new strategy. I challenge you all to join me.

Don’t make resolutions, make changes today, next week and the week after until you find what works for you.

Happy New Year!

Wishing you extreme focus, love, and prosperity in 2019!

Don’t Worry, HA!

One step at a time is much easier said than done. Especially when you have responsibilities. You may have other people you need or have to take care of kids, parents, other loved ones, etc. You need to take your time and put things together one step at a time, however, needs never wait. When you need you usually need immediately. You need food to feed your kids, but you have to wait until payday because you paid all the bills. What do you do to fix the hunger now? You need to have somewhere for your children to sleep at night, but that can’t wait until a month after you start work or a couple of months after you clean up your credit. Where do you sleep tonight? That need is now and doesn’t wait for time.

Many try to encourage you not to worry, this is great and much appreciated. However, what homeless person doesn’t worry, what person that has lost everything doesn’t worry. What person that has minimal ways to get back and forth to a job in order to make things better, doesn’t worry. No one!

Rather than telling your friend not to worry. Support their businesses, their skills, their ideas.  Send them clients, make referrals, help them put money in their pocket to make progress. Introduce them to someone that may be able to help expand their current efforts. This is what friends do. Offer options, recommend them for positions at your place of business, if you truly believe in them. Talk them up, help them expand their platform by word of mouth. Encourage them by telling someone else about the great things they do to help others. Please, please, please don’t tell your friend not to worry. If you haven’t done any of these things, you’re just as bad as the situation and you’re not making anything better.

Depression is not cured by telling someone to not be depressed. It is fixed by keeping someone from falling into the lul. Keeping their spirits up and there mind busy from worrying. A dormant mind breeds deep thoughts, in which a lot of worry and depression is birthed. Ask your depressed or worried friend to get out of the house with you. Ask them to go on a walk, ask them to go shopping with you. Get them out of routine and there mind out of worry.

Relocation?

The first 3 days, weeks, months, years

I’ve been told that I’m admired for relocating. That friends and family are oh so very proud of me. All while I’m screaming help on the inside. Have you been here?

Oh look at you! You’re doing it! Go girl! The one that may have hurt the worst, “I want to be like you when I grow up.”  Said a childhood friend, I actually hoped it was in jest, but he made it clear he was very serious. Once again all while screaming on the inside, “HELP, I’m drowning here”

This experience of changing my surroundings completely.  Leaving all of my family and moving somewhere I didn’t know anyone, blew my mind. Only one friend and a few of her friends. Wow, I’m still blown away to this day and we haven’t reached the 3-year mark, yet. 

The first 3 days was honestly a blur. What I do remember, my oldest child and I pulled into Charlotte, NC and checked into the extended stay. Not only was it an extended stay it was one of the more ‘urban’ facilities. My son did not want to stay with me and actually refused. Well, he was blessed to have a backup plan in which he did not have to spend 6-8 weeks in the extended stay with mom. The hotel did not have any dishes, so I bought some. There was no way I was going into storage, besides my stuff wasn’t here yet anyway. The first 3 days I can honestly say wasn’t too bad. Other than, a pissy elevator and my friendly neighbors wondering where is she going with a suit on daily.  To be continued…

Hustling or working, the game never changes just the service. I’ve learned to keep pushing no matter what! 

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What is your addiction…

What is your addiction to social media? Is it a high to see how much attention you can get? Is it a way to ease reality so you don’t have to focus on it? Being an 80’s baby, this epidemic is new and since I didn’t grow up in it, I tend to misunderstand the obsession. I even had to conform to build business traffic. Facebook is the number one way to advertise. Yet, when you scroll your timeline, you generally see four types of people. Attention seekers: people who want to post things that will make you inbox them or comment on their status. People who feel the need to post their whole daily routine.  This also includes those that just have to post every single thing they spend money on, like dinners, clothing items, cars, etc.Uplifting folks: some of these folks want to appear holier than thou and some just want to encourage someone else. Comedians: where everything they post is funny, they want a good laugh and want you to have one to. Politicians: that want everyone to know their political and social stance. I try not to look at FB from a mental level, however every post shows me a mentality. A mental space someone may be in. It shows me something else that may be on your mind that you’re avoiding. It’s hard for me to not read between the lines. I see something other than comedy, or attention, or self- righteousness or political correctness.  I see a need.

Single, Independent, & Unavailable

I, for one, am tired of single independent women catching such a bad wrap. She is single, and independent doesn’t mean she is unavailable. Have you taken a moment and asked that independent woman if she needs help? If you haven’t asked or attempted to ask, a woman, that you know that fits into this category, please don’t complain about women being independent. If you have asked this woman and really meant it. You may have discovered that she does need help. She may even be a little needy but not willing to delay herself by waiting for someone to help her. You may find out that in fact, she can’t do it all, she just has the courage to try. You may find that she is not holier than thou, she is actually very transparent and accepting of her faults and mistakes. You may find that if you try to break thru that tough exterior, by being true.  This woman is vulnerable, sweet, endearing, kind, loyal, dedicated, and just protecting her heart. I believe all relationship conversations need to start with truthful intentions. Most of the time, each parties intentions are different and someone hasn’t been honest.

Remember honesty is the best policy and it keeps us out of trouble.

What does Faith feel like?

It feels like the motivation to get up in the morning and start work. It feels like a hot cup of coffee. It feels like peace knowing that you ’re working and doing things for the right reasons. It feels like the confidence that you’re going to complete your task. Confidence in knowing that the completion of the task will help you reach your goal. It feels like gratefulness. Being grateful for all of the things that you have and have been blessed with. Gratefulness for the things you worked so hard to receive or accomplish. Grateful for the ability, drive, and focus required. It feels like success when you’re almost to the finish line. It is faith, it makes you feel like the finish line is right up ahead, when it may actually not be in sight. Faith feels like when you have all of the energy and adrenaline you need as you begin your race. Faith feels good, confidence feels good, and believing in yourself feels great! Let’s get that feeling back!

Does money trump love?

Life is not about love, it’s about money. Let’s just face it, Money makes the world go round. Right? Thus making people go round too. Being that everything in this world is based on money, many people have placed a value on things that have nothing to do with money. Like relationships, friendships, commitment, support, trust, I can go on, however I rather not.

I am one of a dying breed that believes there are things that money can’t buy. However, I have tremendously failed in all of thee above, life, relationships, parenting, etc. My failures are mostly connected to not enough money.  Let’s join the masses and place money at the top of my list, too. Right?

It truly seems like it works to me. No money no relationship, no money no friendship, no money no trust, no money no commitment, no money no support (no I don’t want to hear you shaggy dog story). No money no favors, etc. This is truly the attitudes of our surroundings. Many have told me they use to think it was selfish and now they don’t. I’m starting to understand their rhetoric. It makes sense. Worry about yourself and no one else. There is no such thing as a no-cost favor. It cost my time, my mental space, my gas, etc. I have always believed in doing no cost favors. I’m thinking maybe it’s time to change that. I still haven’t decided if this is wrong or right. It does protect home, however at what cost.

Although society has decided that money Trump’s loves. This doesn’t mean you have to conform to the group. At what cost do you sacrifice life for money. Do you lose family, friends, loved ones? Do you not cherish the quality of your true friendships and relationships? Should we trade those true friendships for lucrative relationships? Which are generally with those who possess vulture characteristics. What cost is money worth to you? I’m the first to say money is needed, being my background financial. However, it’s only needed for the true necessities.

To enjoy life, you must live life, love somebody, and make deeper connections. Money is not necessary. It’s merely a means of exchange. You can exchange your knowledge, you can exchange your services. There are many means of exchange. You must decide which one works for you. Through this storm, the people that have given me no cost favors have been lifesavers for me and I wouldn’t replace them for anything in the world. Nor would I take back any favors I’ve done for anyone else. I believe that we must truly love on one another from our hearts. Not questioning what we are going to gain from this. You change lives, through no-cost favors, you become a servant, through no-cost favors, you sacrifice yourself just a bit to show someone else that they are loved and not in it alone. That type of support can not be replaced by ANY amount of money. From time to time we may take a loss but the love created will never go away.

Money just does not Trump Love!

The First Year!

One of the things I teach in my book is that you should plan for the first five years of business. This should include to not live off of your income for the first five years. If it happens where you can before then that is great! However, you don’t want your ability to pay for your home to depend on your new customers. You want your committed customers to support your home. I left corporate America in August 2016. I was already active in my parents’ accounting firm. However, I decided to also start a new business at that time. The business would actually take care of my car payments and required very low start-up cost. I planned and factored everything in before leaving the job and knew what I needed to do to stay afloat. Well, business picked up nicely, however, growth brought on  many challenges. I also teach that business set-up is key and critical. The more official you set your business up the firmer your foundation for growth will be. With growth licenses, certifications, insurance, are all costs that people don’t usually take into consideration. I also didn’t plan for the business to completely slow down during summer break. You must know and plan for your specific market. I knew the market would reduce drastically in the summer months. However, I didn’t plan for the steep reduction that occurred. With that loss of income, I had also loss another and was completed knocked off of my feet. I was devastated. I felt defeated, however, I gained many new customers in the beginning of the coming school year. This encouraged me to keep striving.

 

Starting a business is not easy, and I’m not saying you will go to the extreme to survive.  As with any business, whether you are in the first or tenth year, there are always going to be issues and challenges. There are going to be challenges that you will not foresee. Give yourself a firm foundation. Set everything up properly, get cash flowing, establish and set standards. Last but not least, roll up your sleeves and prepare to get dirty. It’s all a part of your path. I searched the entire first year for web developers. I received quotes from $600 to $200K. I was confused but did not stop searching. I also searched for investors and reasonable trustworthy developers as well. My business deals with children, so hiring dependable and trustworthy staff had also become a challenge as well. Being a financial and business consultant, I was able to analyze my business, and see my shortcomings, however trying to put out fires without a team is challenging as well. In the second year, I started to position the business to create a reserve and hopefully obtain a loan. During the first year, I didn’t follow my own suggestion and I lived off of the funds. I am now in a position where I leave 25-30% of my revenue in the business. I understand survival and if you need the funds then you need them. However, a reserve is critical.  Winning funds for the business right now, would be a miracle. I would first pay for the trustworthy developers I found to create my online presence, then I would invest in safety signage, I would pay the insurance for a year, I would hire 3-5 people, and place a down payment on another vehicle.